Near Death Experience

In an instant you can go from this...

To this.

On Friday December 6th,2013 at around 6:00am, my husband Ryan found me unconscious.

It was a great, relaxing night. I had just been released from a near week long stay at the hospital. We were lying in bed relaxing watching Grey's Anatomy. Ryan kissed me goodnight and tucked me in as always after we said our prayers. Then we went to bed. 

We were having a wonderful, usual night until the unexpected occurred.

By some miraculous chance, Ryan awoke earlier than usual and turned to check on the love of his forever. 

I was lying in bed next to him completely pale. My lips were blue. I was not breathing.

He went into survival mode with one goal in mind: to save his wife.

He pressed his lips to my cold mouth and desperately tried CPR to no avail.

He tried to splash water on me and shake me awake. 

I wouldn't wake up.

Somehow, miraculously, Ryan picked up my dead weight body and carried me up our cement stairs (we live in a basement apartment) and placed me in a blanket into his car and raced me to the hospital with superhero strength. He ran into the ER and got a secretary to grab a wheelchair and help him carry me inside the hospital. They called a code blue and rushed me back into the hospital.

My oxygen level was 40. 

Ryan waited in the waiting room and called my mom.

She called my sisters and grandma and father.

They rushed to the hospital.

It was the scariest moment of my entire life.

I went to sleep and suddenly woke up to bright lights.

I felt like I was drowning and couldn't breathe.

There were tubes down my throat.

Dozens and dozens of doctors rushed around me, surrounding me.

It was chaos.

I was paralyzed.

I couldn't move a limb or talk.

I thought I was going to die. 

I had no idea what was going on.

I thought I had locked in syndrome.

I wanted to cry and scream and find my family and wake up to hope this was nightmare.

I could only move my eyes.

Suddenly, I heard the voices of my mom and Ryan. 

I said a silent prayer in my mind to have them come to me.

All of a sudden I was calmed when they appeared in front of me.

I looked them in the eyes with a gaze that spoke more than all the words in the world could.

I was okay. I loved them. I was saved. I loved them loved them loved them.

The doctors took me away and ran me to a CT and somehow I was able to tell a nurse I was freezing cold.

Funny story in all of this. 

I used all of my strength and was able to fight the medicine that kept me from moving. I could control my hand. The nurses handed me a white board and marker to write what I wanted to say... This is what I wrote (or tried to).

"THIS HURTS LIKE HELL"

is what I was trying to say.

I was in so much pain!

The medicine they used to try and sedate my mind and take away the pain wasn't working.

Too bad my handwriting looked like gibberish!

The doctors told my family that there was a possibility that I might not be me. I might be a vegetable or lose brain function. 

They said to prepare for the worst.

They got the best!

Luckily, I was fine. 

I was completely me. I could think. I was awake the entire time. 

They put me in a temporary coma and I was on a breathing machine and life support.

They did this so my body could rest for a bit.

It turned out that I had a reaction to some medication.

That's what caused my heart and lungs to stop.

It was the most amazing, hopeful, happy moment when they woke me up and I saw my beautiful family. They took the tubes out of my mouth, and I could breathe. It was a miracle.

I am a miracle.

This is proof there are miracles.

I am so thankful for those doctors and nurses that saved my life.

I can't thank them enough. 

Ryan is my hero.

He saved me.

If he hadn't found me or woken up, I'd be dead right now.

I love my sweethearted husband.

I am grateful to all of my family and friends who supported me and were there for me during that time.

My father in law Paul and Ryan gave me a blessing before I woke up when I was in my worst state.

All of my family were comforting each other in the ICU waiting room and crying. I feel so bad.

I love them dearly.

Only three people were allowed to come in the room in the ICU at a time.

It was so wonderful to see my family come in three by three.

My sweet, darling sisters McHale and Jordan came in and embraced me and my little brother Christian (Lambsey).

My mom and grandma comforted me and held my hands.

Ryan was by my side the entire time. He kissed my forehead and took care of me the entire stay.

My mother in law Cindy and father in law Paul came in and saw me and supported me.

I'm so loved. 

And I LOVE all of them.

I got so many messages of support and love on Facebook from friends, associates, and strangers and I can't begin to express my gratitude towards them.

I got MRSA in the ICU. 

It was a little scary.

Everyone had to suit up in gowns and gloves to visit me.

There are strict rules in the ICU that no one can visit after 10:00 pm.

I had a super nurse Kamilla who let Ryan stay the whole night :) That made me so happy! We've never spent a night apart since we got married and I couldn't have made it alone without him there.

I believe it wasn't my time to go. Heavenly Father needs me here still for a reason.

I was in the hospital that whole week anyways and was discharged on Thursday.

My doctor was a surgeon who I feel neglected me and didn't care.

He didn't figure out what was wrong with me and why I am in such pain.

I feel like I'm dying somedays because I'm in pain that is outrageously, unbelievably intense. 

I felt he didn't care. He ran tests, but I feel like he could have done more.

He told me he was frustrated with me. 

Who does that?

It's not my fault I am hurting and something is wrong.

He was angry he couldn't figure it out... so he gave up.

Our health care system makes me want to cry sometimes.

I wish I could find a caring doctor.

I wish Dr. House was real because even if he didn't care, he would find the answers.

I need help.

But where do I find it?

I will stay happy though.

I am faithful.

There's always hope.

Pain is there for a reason. It means there is a problem.

Pain makes me stronger though.

These are my beautiful bridesmaids and best friends.

I am hurt and feel forgotten by a few of them and some other friends.

The girls are as followed in the picture: McHale and Jordan (my sisters), Deedra, me, Aubrey (Brie), and Stacie.

I didn't hear from some of them during all of this hell.

It breaks my heart.

I hate change. I hate when friends fade away. I would be there for any of them in a heartbeat if something was wrong.

I love them all no matter what. I just wish they felt the same. 

I miss you girls...

The lovely Tyson and I a few years ago. He will be my friend forever. He's like my older brother. I love you Ty! He's married to my best friend Brie. She's a lucky girl. I'm a lucky girl to know this boy. 

My wonderful, beautiful family. Always there for me.

Jordan (sister), Bob (stepdad), mom, Ryan, me, Colton (stepbrother), Tyler (stepbrother), McHale (sister), Alex (her boyfriend), and bottom row-- Christian (brother) and Tanner (stepbrother).

They are the best support system.

He is always saving me.

The best friends ever. I love them all with all of me. TyBrie (Tyson and Aubrey) are the most amazing friends a girl could ask for. They are ALWAYS without FAILURE or QUESTION there for me!!!

We have been dragged through the deepest pits of hell but always make it through because we live in heaven. Our love is heaven.

Always be thankful and happy! Life isn't a guarantee. Time is precious. It can be taken in an instant. I am living proof of that.

Sisters by blood, friends by choice. I love Jordy and Kale! The best sisters. They take care of me like no other.

CiCi + Brie= Once in a lifetime friends. We are friends for forever. We've been friends since we were 4!

Lovelies, spend every moment with love in your hearts. Learn from this. You could fall asleep and never wake up. A loved one could drop dead at any second. In the blink of an eye you could lose someone... your everything. Don;t wait. Do things now. Say things now. Be kind. Tell those you love that you love them. I love you! I love all of my loved ones. I am thankful.

I love this quote...

"Whatever your difficulties- a devastated heart, financial loss, feeling assaulted by the conflicts around you, or a seemingly hopeless illness- you can always remember that you are free in every moment to set the compass of your heart to your highest intentions. In fact, the two things that you are always free to do- despite your circumstances- are to be present and to be willing to love."

It's true. 

I am far from perfect, but I believe that you don't have to be perfect to inspire others. No one is perfect. Inspire people by how you deal with your imperfections. Your struggles. My friend Tyson, mentioned above, gave me this wisdom: When it comes to anger, trials, frustrations, fights, or hatred think of this... will it matter in 5 years? 10 years? 50 years? 500 years? Then let it go. Be happy. Be loving. 

I am an infinities worth of thankful.

<W/L3 (With Love),

Charley Brooke Syndergaard

Grapevine Fires (IDAHO is BURNING) & Rising from the Ashes

F I R E

These are pictures of the Charlotte Fire (as it is being called) or the Mink Creek/Gibson Jack Fire in Pocatello, Idaho aka where I live.

On Thursday, the day started out just fine and then went up in flames literally!

I was leaving work and stepped outside to see this fire! Right as I got outside the hospital doors I am facing these HUGE plumes and clouds of smoke darkening the sky. The flames raged wildly. I could see them from where I was standing. It looked like a volcano exploded or a war zone! I was in complete shock. Pocatello was burning. What was the most frightening thing was that my family live up Gibson Jack right where the fire was.

It was the worst fire I have ever witnessed in my life. I immediately pulled out my phone and called my mom. My stomach churned and twisted in knots with fear and anxiety when she answered, crying and freaking out. My heart sunk. My mother explained that the police were not letting people go up Mink Creek and Gibson Jack or anywhere near the fire. She said it was close to our house and that she and Bob (my stepdad) thought the house was going to burn down!
I raced to my grandma's house (where we had all decided to meet) listening to Death Cab for Cutie's "Grapevine Fires" and praying, praying, praying that our house would be saved, praying for a miracle in a situation completely out of control. My mom, Jordan (sister), Chrish (brother), my grandma, Madison (Jordan's friend), and my Aunt Michelle were all gathered together in the living room glued to the TV screen as the news reporters updated us on the fire.

I felt so bad for my mother who couldn't stop sobbing. She was worried because Bob went up to our house, climbed the hill, so that he could save our horses and let them free. He was taking a long time. We couldn't get a hold of him and it scared us because he has bad asthma. 

We were all incredibly relieved when Bob pulled up safe and sound in his truck. My mom ran to him and embraced him. He was upbeat, calm, and positive in the time of such a crises. I love that about him, always optimistic and hopeful. He let the horses go. They got away. He thought our home was going to turn to ashes and burn down. He took some stunning, terrifying videos of the raging inferno that was only yards away from our home.

Everyone who lived in or near the fire was evacuated. For a few hours, we sat, paced, talked, prayed, and waited ever so anxiously and nervously for the outcome. The question that hung heavier than the summer heat in the air was suffocating: will the house be burned to the ground, leaving my family homeless? Or would we be ever so blessed with a miracle, that our house would be spared?

All the while we were reminded of what truly matters, the most important thing is each other, the ones we love, family, people. Home isn't where your material possessions are stored. It isn't a place with polished hardwood floors or chandeliers hanging from vaulted ceilings or big theater rooms filled with every movie imaginable. Home is in the hearts of the ones we love. Home is family. Home is each other.

What a beautiful thing this life is, no matter the fire that burns all around us. If we just stick together, hold onto each other, and never take anyone or anything for granted, then I know we can make it through anything, through everything. Fire doesn't just destroy, it refines and purifies. It may hurt and burn at the onset, but the end result shines bright as the stars. Life is about thriving and triumphing after tragedy, together forever.

We kept getting mixed messages from friends of our family members that our house was burned one minute and the next that it was spared. It was nerve wracking. I felt so badly for everyone in this town. Prayers for rain were on my lips. I was just in total shock and awe that the unexpected always happens. We must always remember that people are what matters. Love matters. Everything else is replaceable, but family, love and friends are irreplaceable. Look at the people struggling with this exact same situation in Utah, Colorado, and other places in the United States. It only takes one spark to ignite a fire that can burn miles in minutes. This could happen to you. 

mY miracle

This is my family's house... a safe place in the midst of disaster and destruction. Some people may believe it is luck, but I know it as a miracle. Life is beautiful no matter the fire that burns around us. Home is in the hearts of the ones we love. Home is family. Our house was saved. I wish I could say the same for others. I heard nearly 60 homes were destroyed. I can't even begin to offer an explanation. I can say God is good. I know this was a miracle.

Just because you can't see or imagine a good reason why God might allow something to happen doesn't mean there can't be one. What matters now is coming together as a community and reaching out, helping, and sending prayers to those who were affected and victims of this fire and the fires all over the country. We all need one another and should never take this fact for granted, never forget it or take it lightly. Caring is sharing. Open your hearts lovelies and lets make this world a better place one person at a time.

I also send my thoughts and prayers with a heart overflowing with love and gratitude for all the brave firefighters who risk their lives and work relentlessly and fearlessly to put out these fires and triumph over disasters. 

Live by love

<3 Charley Brooke

This is what I believe to be true: You have to do everything you can, and if you stay positive, you have a shot at a silver lining and the moon and all the stars that light up the night sky.

Helena, Montana Wedding

A few weekends ago, the family [mom, Bob, Jordan, Chrish, & I] flew in Bob's plane to Helena, Montana for my stepbrother Jordan & his new bride to be Britton's wedding. 

McHale & Alex drove.

Helena is gorgeous. 

The view from the plane was amazing and it's overall such a beautiful place.

We stayed overnight in this awesome hotel with these huge suites that each had their own kitchens, dining rooms, & living rooms (along with bedrooms & bathroom). 

I shared a suite with Christian.

After going to dinner at the Macaroni Grill with the family & extended family members, doing some shopping, and sightseeing, we went back to our hotel.

Funny story about Chrish & I's suite: we walked in and were still just amazed at how big the suite was... we were exploring around looking at the kitchen, living room, dining room, two huge TVs, bedroom with two huge beds, and bathroom. We are thinking to ourselves "wow... this is cool!" and then we look out this window in our bedroom and see a graveyard right outside our window! No lie! Haha kinda sketchy and a little creepy. 

My stepbrother Tyler lives in Montana & when we told him about it he said, "That's Helena, Montana for you!"

Chrish & I stayed up watching "Storage Wars". It's kind of an addicting show but not as much as "One Tree Hill"! We are obsessed with "One Tree Hill"... I got all my siblings obsessed about it. I can't believe I didn't know about it until recently! I bought all the DVDs & just love love love it. We would've watched it, but there wasn't a DVD player. You should check it out if you haven't seen it because it's a-m-a-z-i-n-g. 

Anyways, the next day was the wedding--Saturday May 12, 2012--Jordan & Britton got married at the Helena Country Club outside. It was lovely and pretty outside where it was held. Britton looked stunning, like a bridal model. I am so happy for them, Mr. & Mrs. Jordan and Britton Allen. 

 view from the plane of Helena, Montana!

 Another picture over Helena.

 Christian [the little brother] & I in the plane...

 Gorgeous view from the sky.

 My mom, me, & Jordan [sister] at the reception.

 Jordan creeping on me at the wedding. She's a notorious creeper!

 The twin & I 

[haha so Christian & I aren't really twins but we were both born on October 14 [me 1989 and him 1996] & look the most alike out of all of our siblings so we call ourselves "twins 7 years apart" cause in reality we kinda are!]

 My beautiful family.

Jord, Chrish, mom, Bob [stepdad], Colton [stepbrother], me, McHale [sis], & Alex [Kale's boyfriend]

 Family & Friends > Everything Else

 Most of the family... not pictured are three other stepbrothers... yes we have a BIG family. 

If we all go somewhere (dinner, movie, etc) together we often get called the Brady Bunch.

 Kiss the bride... Jordan & Britton Allen.

The happily married couple... they are the cutest. I am so happy for them!

Un-Valentines Day (makes me feel like Alice in Wonderland)

     Lovelies,

     Since I made that Valentinespiration post with all the cutesy/fun ideas, I want to hear about how your day of love (or lack thereof) went! 

     This is what happened on mine...

     Tuesday February 14, 2012-Valentines Day

     Okay it felt more like Un-Valentines Day. 

Valentines Day always makes me feel like Alice in Wonderland.

I so desperately want to fit in and be found and feel like it's where I'm meant to be, but somehow it's where I'll never belong.

Everything is wrong and upside down and backwards. I am too big or too small. I don't fit. 

I just have to stick to the motto of my Dove chocolate wrapper--BYOV-Be Your Own Valentine. 

I wish Jack Dawson could be my Valentine... A girl can dream and wish and hope, especially today. 

Anna (one of my roommates) left me a box of candy hearts at my door which was nice! My lovely mom was a sweetheart and got me a Valentines present, chocolate, a card, and a necklace and matching earrings that look like the Titanic heart but are red. I love her. She never fails to make this day special for me. She bought us heart shaped pizza for dinner too!

She had to work and my stepdad was in Montana. He sent her this HUGE amazing bouquet of flowers and a bigger basket full of gifts that were supposed to be delivered to her house before she went to work. Well they ended up coming late. So Chrish (the little brother) and I played Cupids and drove to the hospital where she works along with her flowers and presents.

We got to the lobby of the floor she worked which was deserted. There were these "future doctor" or "future nurse" hats for little kids to wear when they came by for tours and some masks nearby, so...

 

Christian and I put some on and were being sillies haha...

We made my mom laugh when she finally came out and got her flowers and gifts delivered by future Dr. Charley and future Dr. Christian=night made for her :)

I went to the Singles/Anti-Valentines Day (because it sounds better than SAD-Singles Awareness Day) party at my apartment that the girls put on. Anna, Colette, and Erin invited a bunch of their friends over and we all sat in our living room and watched The Godfather. That's right... love mafia style. It was awesome. Now that's what I call Un-Valentines Day!

 

XOXO,

C

TwentyTwelve

2012

"Fresh starts. Thanks to the calendar they happen every year--just set your watch to January. Our reward for surviving the holiday season is a new year. Bringing on the great tradition of New Years resolutions. Put your past behind you and start over. It's hard to resist the chance of a new beginning, a chance to put the problems of last year to bed. Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins? It's not a day on a calender, not a birthday, not a new year. It's an event--big or small--something that changes us. Ideally it gives us hope. A new way of living and looking at the world. Letting go of old habits, old memories. What's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning. But it's also important to remember that amid all the crap are a few things really worth holding onto."

-Meredith Grey

"This coming year, I hope you create a story that you love. I hope you make something beautiful and take great risks. I hope you dare yourself to do brave things. I hope you will have a conviction and see it through. I hope you will fall in love--with art or a person or anything. I hope you have the courage to take the weak things and amplify them until your life overflows with only the good stuff. I hope you see the world and meet interesting people but above all, I hope you have an absolutely passionate love affair with life."

"Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right."
-Oprah Winfrey

"We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and it's first chapter is called New Year's Day."

-Edith Lovejoy Pierce

What Charley did on New Years Eve years ago... 

I wrote in my journals on some of these occasions so I looked back and saw what happened.

2006--> I hung out my sister McHale, our friend Brooke, my boyfriend at the time Toby (name changed), and his friend Kyle (name changed). We watched a movie, played hide and go seek in the dark, and then went out to dinner. After that, we came back to my house and watched another movie. I got a New Years Eve kiss from Toby at 12:00 when the ball dropped. 

2007--> Sleepover with McHale & Lexie.

2008--> Dinner & a movie with Sam and his family. 

2009-->?

2010-->New Years Eve party at my dad's house with him, Tasha, the siblings, Sam, and Lacey. We had dinner and sparkling cider, games, and watched the Twilight Zone marathon. I wrote, "Well I have a few New Years goals for this year. Overall, I just want to be better in everything I do. I want to be the best person I can be for everyone. I want to be less shy. I want to be a healthier and happier person. I want to have more confidence in myself. I want 2010 to be absolutely, completely, "irrevocably" amazing."

2011--> Party at my dad's house with him, Angie, the siblings, and myself. We played lots of fun games. We  played Just Dance on the Wii which I won! That's right, I'm an incredibe dancer :) I stated, "I'm so excited for the new year 2011. I'm going to make it a year worth remembering, living life to the fullest! This will be the best year!"

2012--> '"Hello 2012... this is going to be my year, the best year, the year of making each day count." I worked a double shift but didn't mind. After that, Stacey (my coworker/friend) and I met up at the ISU Student Union building for this New Years Eve dance. They had free food, drinks, games, etc. The dance was rather pathetic haha... Hardly anyone was actually dancing. We talked most of the time about everything. Our other coworker Aubrey showed up and hung out with us for a while. We had fun being silly and dancing. At midnight, everyone huddled under this net of balloons on the dance floor and the net was released. We all reached for them, kicked them, threw them, jumped around, danced, shouted, hugged, and cheered for 2012. It was a fun time. 

I, for one, am excited for this new year and 365 days full of possibility, change, chances, wonder, dreams, goals, anything and everything. Lets make it count lovelies!

Happy Birthday Mom

 My gorgeous mom with my stepdad, stepbrother Tanner (on the left), & brother Christian (right).

 Mom & Bob in the Bahamas this summer.

Two of the prettiest women ever!

 My first birthday haha I look silly & my mom 20 years ago. In my fam, we get better with age.

My family.

Mom (Angie), Jordan (sister), Christian (brother), Me (Charley), & McHale (sister).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

43

MOM!

Today is my mother's 43rd birthday.

She looks twenty years younger than she really is.

She is the hardest working person I know.

She's an RN and is so amazing.

She is my hero.

I love you mom :)

We went to lunch today with my grandma and Aunt Michelle at this great Italian restaurant. It was a good time.

I know everyone says they have the best mom ever, but the truth is mine TRULY is the best.