Coming Clean

"I've discovered as I've grown up that life is far more complicated than you think it is when you're a kid. It isn't just a straightforward fairytale." -Rachel McAdams

With yourself, I think you have to decide the kind of person that you really want to be, and for me, it's just a sweet girl :) I'm starting to look at our lives as our movies. Like my life is my movie. And like a movie, I face adversity and challenges and dragons to slay. I am the star of my movie. I get to choose my lines. I choose the supporting actors and actresses aka my friends. I can be a villain, a hero, a princess, a doctor, or whatever I want. I also can change the settings. I get to choose my costumes and wardrobe. I choose the ratings. Through repentance I can edit and delete parts, thanks to my dear Savior. And in the end, Heavenly Father and everyone will watch it.

One of the most important parts is choosing my leading man. However, more and more I find this task to be impossible. And why? Because I don't know if I believe in love. The older I get, the wiser I get, the more I experience, the more I realize love isn't real. Love seems to be like Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy. The grown up Santa Claus. An illusion. A lie other grown ups have made up to make growing up sound exciting and give magic to it. Love is the thing we all desire. And whoever says differently is lying. Love is said to be the best, most incredible thing ever. And I believe with all of me that love is everything. But I think it doesn't exist anymore. And more than anything, I hope that a man will come along and prove me wrong. That love is real, true love, not just lust, crushes, infatuation, illusions, and broken hearts.

In August of 2010, my roommates and I had just moved into our apartment. 

When McHale got home from work, she wanted to have a "deep" conversation with Hannah and me. She made us mac n' cheese. It wasn't deep, but it made us laugh. McHale thinks that a year from now one of us will get/be married. Hannah and I disagree. At least because it certainly won't be one of us because of "the curse".

Hannah doesn't even want to get married until years and years after she has a boyfriend to even consider marriage. As for me, I refuse to settle for less than what I want in a man. Like Hannah and I sung to McHale, as originally sung by the Spice Girls, "I want a man not a boy who thinks he can."

And as for dating, I want an LDS man who is like a man from a Nicholas Sparks novel. I can't help it, I'm a hopeless romantic. I won't lower my standards. I won't approach a man or ask one on a date. The man has to ask me out and talk to me first. Chivalry is everything. I want him to see me and not be able to get me out of his head and will do anything and never give up trying to ask me out like Will from The Last Song. The girls say it's impossible and that it's fiction. They believe it will never happen, that life isn't like movies and fairy tales, and that I'm not Cinderella. They said if I do that, I'll be single for life all alone with just my cat Lucy. But I don't care, I won't settle for less. I never said he had to be perfect. I have faith and it will be worth the wait someday over the rainbow haha...