TEAM

Lovelies,

We're not just a nation.

We're a team.

I am a writer.

It's in my blood.

I spill words like ink to paper and this blog.

My own and others.

I journal.

I LOVE President Gordon B. Hinckley's thoughts on keeping a journal and writing down your story:

"You will have significant experiences. I hope that you will write them down and keep a record of them, that you will read them from time to time and refresh your memory of those meaningful and significant things. Some may be funny. Some may be significant only to you. Some of them maybe be sacred and quietly beautiful. Some may build one upon another until they represent a lifetime of special experience."

Words can tear, break, repair, and are essential to life.

Of course, there is nonverbal communication that can express more than all the words in every language could ever begin to say. In the touch of a lover. In the hug of a friend or family member, In the smile of a stranger. 

That are moments and feelings where words aren't necessary.

Where you can't find the words.

Where words don't exist to say what you need or want to say.

You can be speechless.

However, when you have something to say. SPEAK NOW.

Speak.

Don't keep quiet.

If you love someone, tell them. NOW. Don't wait.

The only exception is anger.

You need to watch yourself when you lose your temper or get feelings of rage or hurt... often during these times, words and emotions get the best of you and you can say things you can't take back. Things you probably don't mean. Words that can haunt a person forever. Words than can kill a soul.

As Rumi wrote: "Raise your words, not voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder."

Say the words you mean.

Mean the words you say.

Speak now or forever hold your peace or regret that you didn't say what you needed to.

Words how little they mean when they're a little too late.

Listen as well.

Take in the words you hear.

Respond.

Pay genuine compliments to those around you.

You have the power to make someone's day, change lives, and bring about change just by opening your mouth and talking words of hope and love and kindness.

As you all are aware, I am struggling.

I am going through the hardest time of my entire life.

This trial threatens to tear me down every single day.

I just have to keep breathing.

I have to plan my days and fill them so I don't let this suffering drown me.

I am not okay but I will be.

That's what matters.

This quote by Taylor Swift says it all elegantly and with near perfection:

"Speak now or forever hold your peace, the words said by preachers at the end of wedding ceremonies all over the world, right before the vows. It's a last chance for protest, a moment that makes everyone's heart race, and a moment I've always been strangely fascinated by so many fantasize about bursting into a church, saying what they'd kept inside for years like in the movies. In real life, it rarely happens.

Real life is a funny thing, you know. In real life, saying the right thing at the right moment is beyond crucial. So crucial, in fact, that most of us start to hesitate, for fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. But lately what I've begun to fear more than that is letting the moment pass without saying anything.

I think most of us fear reaching the end of our life, and looking back regretting the moments we didn't speak up. When we didn't say "I love you" when we should've said "I'm sorry". When we didn't stand up for ourselves or someone who needed help.

Words can break someone into a million pieces, but they can also put them back together. I hope you use yours for good, because the only words you'll regret more than the ones left unsaid are the ones you use to intentionally hurt someone.

What you say might be too much for some people. Maybe it will come out all wrong and you'll stutter and you'll walk away embarrassed, wincing as you play it all back in your head. But I think the words you stop yourself from saying are the ones that will haunt you the longest.

So say it to them or say it to yourself in the mirror. Say it in a letter you'll never send or in a book millions might read someday. I think you deserve to look back on your life without a chorus of resounding voices saying 'I could've, but it's too late now.'

There is a time for silence. There is a time waiting your turn. But if you know how you feel, and you so clearly know what you need to say, you'll know it.

I don't think you should wait. I think you should speak now."

I've been looking back through the pages of old journals.

I write down the words of people who pay me nice compliments or say things that mean a lot to me.

Maybe some of the words are from you.

We often forget the lovely words we say to people, but they can remember them forever.

That's how some of these comments are.

Maybe you don't remember saying them... but I'll never forget.

I am going to share some here... words that people said to me that have made all the difference in my life. These aren't all of them that I hold, but these are some. 

I don't think it's narcissistic. It's healing and refreshing to know people care.

I am going to share them here.

I'll change some of the names of the people who said these things to me just in case they don't want to their words to be shared with the world.

I ran into one of my favorite high school teachers in a grocery store by the flower aisle. 

He was talking to someone. He actually was one of my English teachers. He inspired me. He improved my writing. He made me a better writer. He had a way with words that helped me find my voice.

I saw him but didn't think he saw me. So I was going to talk by without a second glance (honestly I didn't think he would remember me) but as I passed by, he stopped and said to the person he was talking to, "Except Charley here. She's the only exception. She got an A. She was an amazing student!"

Then he smiled, ended the conversation with whoever he was talking to, turned his focus to me, hugged me, and we had about a ten minute conversation. He asked me about what I had been up to, my plans, dreams, etc. He told me he loved my Facebook posts and always looks forward to them. He said he liked how insightful and meaningful they were. He explained that when everyone my age is only getting on FB to post random pointless junk about partying and the like. He is an absolutely amazingly talented writer so it was a major compliment. It made my day.

"Your posts are some of my favorite :)"

-Kasey M.

"My mother absolutely adores you! She told me that you are seriously the most nicest girl ever!! Haha."

-Kayla

"You are my favorite of all of Christian's sisters :) You're the best babysitter EVER! and you always remind me that I'm awesome :) LOVE YOU CHARLEY :) P.S. You enjoy my random songs. :)"

-Drake (one of Lambsey's friends)

"Oh Char, you and I have become each others best friends. We have sister Saturday pretty much every Saturday. I love how close we are cause it's good to have your older sister be your best friend. Just letting you know how much I look up to you as like my role model. You get through every trial that is put in front of you. You never ever get mad and you don't hate anyone! Even the people I can't stand you're always so nice to them. You never lie and are always straight up with people. You also always give back and say thank you. You are so incredibly smart! Makes me jealous you're gorgeous. I love youuuuu!"

-Jordan Lawren Chriswell (my youngest sister)

Can I just say that comment touched my heart. It made me cry.

"Every breath you have ever taken was gold. You're the best kind of person and I think no matter what I'll always remember you as such."

-David

"You have always been one of the sweetest, most kind people I've ever met. There is no reason for you to be lonely. You have no idea. I would have to get a team together to search the country for a man worthy enough to have you. You will not be lonely forever. You shouldn't be now and not ever. I just mean he has to be kind, courteous, chivalrous, strong, regal, and the perfect gentleman. He will come and you will be completely blown over. You two will hit it off faster than they do in the storybooks. When he meets the Charley, he's going to just die. He will have to have you. Have a good night beautiful."

-Wilson (name has been changed).

That made me smile. I mean REALLY smile. I needed to hear it at the time.

"I miss you and I'm drinking a Diet Pepsi and it just doesn't feel right without you!"

-Deedra (hahah I love her)

A conversation I had with Wilson in 2012...

Charley (me): "I am sorry. I know that means absolutely nothing nor does it help or change anything. But some words of inspiration--maybe good things fall apart so even better things, things beyond our imagination, can fall together."

Wilson: "I guess. You realize saying those things makes just want to flirt with you."

C: "Flirt with me? Why me? Why especially when you love Brianna (name changed)?"

W: "Because I have had crushes on you since elementary school. Because you are insanely beautiful and you seem to be more and more my type as we talk. Because even though I am turning into a mess, you make me feel like you would pick up the pieces."

C: "Why didn't you ever tell me? People should say these things you know, when they feel them. I am not insanely beautiful. I wish I was. I am just Jordan and McHale's sister. And what is your type? I am always here for you. I will help you pick up the pieces. I will also do anything to help you get Brianna back since I know you love her."

W: "Yes you are. You are their radiant and elegant sister. Not their other sister. I don't know why I never said anything. I never felt good enough and didn't think you would care. Thank you."

Just an FYI, Wilson and I never dated or were anything but friends. I didn't and don't like him like that. But we were good friends. I like being there and helping people.

Another Wilson/Charley conversation...

C: "How can you still believe in love? Do you believe in soulmates?"

W: "Of course I believe in love. I don't know about soulmates."

C: "How do you still believe in it though?"

W: "Shouldn't having your heart ripped out make it more obvious that it's real? Should all the joy and happiness you feel gets taken away make love that much more apparent and desirable? You know it's real. There's a reason why you've been wishing for it forever. Everyone wants love. When it's taken away from us it hurts worse than anything else because it is the greatest feeling and power on Earth."

That was eye opening. I'd never thought about it like that before.

Haha I love the following quote. I went on a triple date with some friends. My little sister came along and he date paid for her. I was in shock and telling him how cute and nice that was. He exclaimed, "What has the world come to when it's such a surprise when a guy pays for the girl. It should be expected. A guy should always pay for his lady. That's how it's supposed to be."

True story.

"You are such a sweet person. You are amazing and I always love your posts :) You are beautiful and I am thankful to know you! You deserve all of the good that life has to offer."

-Alecia

"Well I just thought I would post on your wall about how thankful I am for you!!! You are just the most gorgeous and sweet person I have ever met. You always have amazing statuses and you always greet me with a big beautiful smile. Thanks for making my day a little brighter with your kind words and kind smile."

-Angela :)

"It's almost been two years since we met right? Thank you so much for always letting me read your Facebook posts that help me out through the day. You are amazing along with your family! You are special!"

-Holden (named changed) we once dated. He recently got married. I am so happy for him :)

"I love you so much! It has been so long since I've seen you and I must meet up with you soon pretty lady!!! You're such an incredible friend :) mwah <3 I miss our letters."

-Paige Madison

Oh my goodness, this is the silliest. most random conversation that took place on night at TyBrie's house...

Tyson: "Are we humans or are we dancers?"

Me (To Lambsey): "Somebody told me that you had a girlfriend who looked like a boyfriend that I had in February of last year."

Lambsey: "It's not confidential, I've got potential."

Brie: "You know what I'm getting from this conversation? Who is this boyfriend you had in February, and why did he look like a girl?"

Me: "No Christian's girlfriend looked like a boy."

Brie: "No because she is me. I'm his secret girlfriend trying to be scandalouser than you cause he's younger than me."

Lambsey: "This sounds like an episode of Desperate Housewives!"

Brie: "That means I'm Gabby!"

Lambsey: "Then Tyson is Carlos and I'm John!"

Brie: "I wish I looked like Gabrielle!"

Tyson: "I wished I had as much money as Carlos."

*We all laughed so hard our stomachs hurt*

Brie (To me): "Then I guess that makes you Susan."

Me: "Oh well! That's fine by me. It means I get Mike Delfino!"

Yep, we can be silly.

 I wrote a Facebook status that stated: "A real girl isn't perfect. A perfect girl isn't real." One of my friends named John made a sweet observation: "And yet love masks imperfections making a perfect girl very real."

"So I just decided that you have amazing quotes and I thought I'd let you know."

-Melissa

"Charley... you are adorable! I was just being all creepy stalker like and looking at your blog... it's cute. I like it :)"

-Brie

"I love you girl. You are so inspiring."

-Angie

"Charley :) I miss your B-E-A-Utiful face, and adorable eyes :) I just love you so much! You are my favorite! Darling, you're so cute. Save some cuteness for the rest of us. You are beautiful period."

-Taylor

"You got it all goin for ya pretty lady!"

-Maddie

"Lofes you so much, you are the best pretty lil lady :)"

-McHale Annette Chriswell (sister)

One of my statuses was "I wish I was a star."

I got the following responses.

Taylor: "You're a star to me."

Lacey: "="I love stars. I have always had some infatuation with them. Haha. I'm not sure what kind of "star" you're talking about but if it's like celebrity then me too! Awhhh. That's cute. I think Taylor's right. You're already a star!"

Jordan: "Hey, you are a star! Don't let anyone tell you differently."

Chris: "Charley, you should be a counselor."

Kirsten: "Charley you are amazing."

David: "Charley that is impossible to promise. You are an irresistible person and who doesn't love you is out of their mind."

Alexia: "Charley, you're gorgeous! Miss you a lot!"

Lizzy: "See you are gorgeous and your smile is stunning."

My friend/step cousin Mitch said the nicest thing to me once upon a time.

"You're like a superhero in my eyes. All the s--- you've had to walk through. And still are walking through. There's no one else who I have such a high admiration for. You truly are amazing. I love you."

Another Taylorism (he is the kindest. Mind you he has a gorgeous girlfriend now! We are still friends but these are words from the past!): "Charley! I care about you so much! More than I show! I just want you to be happy more than anything. I've been thinking about you all week. You're so beautiful."

David gave the best compliments. Always cheering this girl up!

"Dearest friend, I hope all is well. Your smile brightens up the world and makes all things wonderful, just like you do :) Charley, you are the most wonderful person I have ever had the privilege of being friends with and I treasure you :) You brighten up my life and make me smile."

"Sweet dreams Char. I really hope things get better with your health, you're a strong girl. If there is ever anything I can do to help you out please let me know. I am glad I got to see you."

-Mat

"Charley Brooke is one of the most beautiful inspirational people in the world. I envy her... and it makes it worse that I have to face her everyday! I love my angelic sister so very much :):):)"

-McHale (my sweethearted angel of a sister)

"You're very talented in this matter! Better keep it up! People LOVE your writing and gorgeous pictures."

-One of you lovelies! An anonymous lovely who reads my blog (I adore you!)

"Charley Brooke Chriswell is one hundred percent positive one hundred percent of the time. I really admire her."

-The lovely Morgan 

"I really like it when I have a bad day, and something you post makes me instantly feel better."

-Ben

"You're a beautiful writer."

-Tabbi

"Dear Charley... I just have to say your profile picture is awesome! I miss that time we went skydiving together... Love you!"

-Jacklyn

"Your story didn't start out on a dark and stormy night--I promise! I was there... It started out with the most beautiful little girl who was and still is the joy of her mother and father's life. You are a great story and your ending has yet to be written and I bet when it is finished it will be a BLOCKBUSTER!!!"

-My dad

"So you probably get this often, but I think you're really pretty."

-A random stranger

"Charley, I know I don't know you very well. But, I've been reading your blog during my downtime at work and I feel like I know you so well! So much of what you say I can relate to. Keep up the good work."

-Wilson (not the Wilson mentioned above)

"I need you to make me a book of your sayings so when I get in a jam I'll have the right words to say."

-David (a cousin)

"I know a million girls who wish they looked like you. No lie. You're tall. You're thin. You're beautiful. Go look in the mirror and say good things about yourself, Charley. You have a lot of style and personality."

-Daniel

"You should write self help books!"

-Gabrielle

"Love love love love love love love your statuses."

-Lisa

"Honestly your statuses make my life. They're amazing."

-Erica

"You are cute. Too bad people aren't more like you huh? :)"

-TC

"Char, I LOVE your words beyond anything I could tell you. You are a great person, and I am so proud and happy to be your father. You make me so proud."

-Dad

"Charley!!! You are so cute and your messages make my day :) You are an awesome girl and I love your positive outlook on life... your posts and quotes always make me happy!"

-Kimberly

Okay I could keep going foreverrrr. These are comments I've written in only a few of my journals. I write your words down just like mine.

My point is, these words help me even now! I am going through hell but I see heaven. I know heaven is there. This path will take me to where I belong. Your words mean more to me than earthly possessions. I treasure words like gold. Words take seconds to say and can have lasting impressions. These words and the things you continue to tell me just completely overwhelm me with happiness. I love you all completely, lovelies. You are the loveliest. I hope my words mean to me and touch you like yours do for me.

I encourage all of you to write or tell your story in one form or another. 

We all are creating our own movie moments. Love each one. I write so I can remember and share them.

THANK YOU for all of your support. 

Your words.

For speaking now and forever.

To speaking now&always,

<W/L3

C

And The Greatest of These is Love

"Love is the very essence of life. It is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Yet it is more than the end of the rainbow. Love is at the beginning also, and from it springs the beauty that arches across the sky on a stormy day. Love is the security for which children weep, the yearning of youth, the adhesive that binds marriage, and the lubricant that prevents devastating friction in the home, it is the peace of old age, the sunlight of hope shining through death. In our youth, we sometimes acquire faulty ideas of love, that it can be imposed or simply created for convenience. I noted the following in a newspaper column some years ago: 'One of the grand errors we tend to make when we are young is supposing that a person is a bundle of qualities, and we add up the individual's good and bad qualities, like a bookkeeper working on debits and credits. If the balance is favorable, we may decide to take the jump [into marriage]... The world is full of unhappy men and women who married because... it seemed to be a good investment. Love, however, is not an investment; it is an adventure. And when marriage turns out to be as dull and comfortable as a sound investment the disgruntled party soon turns elsewhere... Ignorant people are always saying, 'I wonder what he sees in her [or him],' not realizing that what he [or she] sees in her [or him] (and what no one else can see) is the secret essence of love.' Love is the only force that can erase the differences between people."

-President Gordon B. Hinckley

"If one really loves another, one would rather die for that person than to injure him."

-Elder Spencer W. Kimball

"There are lots of limitations in all of us that we hope our sweethearts will overlook. I suppose no one is as handsome or as beautiful as he or she wishes, or as brilliant in school or as witty in speech or as wealthy as we would like but in a world of varied talents and fortunes that we can't always command, I think that makes even more attractive the qualities we can command--such qualities as thoughtfulness, patience, a kind word, and true delight in the accomplishment of another. These cost us nothing, and they can mean everything to the one who receives them.

I like Mormon and Paul's language that says one who truly loves is not "puffed up" Puffed up! Isn't that a great image? Haven't you ever been with someone who was so conceited, so full of themselves that they seemed like the Pillsbury doughboy? Fred Allen said once that he saw such a fellow walking down Lovers' Lane holding his own hand. True love blooms when we care more about another person than we care about ourselves. That is Christ's great atoning example for us, and it ought to be more evident in the kindness we show, the respect we give, and the selflessness and courtesy we employ in our personal relationships.

Love is a fragile thing, and some elements in life can try to break it. Much damage can be done if we are not in tender hands, caring hands. To give ourselves totally to another person, as we do in marriage, is the most trusting step we take in any human relationship. This is a real act of faith--faith all of us must be willing to exercise. If we do it right, we end up sharing everything--all our hopes, all our fears, all our dreams, all our weaknesses, and all our joys--with another person. 

No serious courtship or engagement or marriage is worth the name if we do not fully invest all that we have in it and in so doing, trust ourselves totally to be the one we love. You cannot succeed in love if you keep one foot out on the bank for safety's sake. The very nature of the endeavor requires that you hold onto each other as tightly as you can and jump in the pool together. In that spirit, and in the spirit of Mormon's plan for pure love, I want to impress upon you the vulnerability and delicacy of your partner's future as it is placed in your hands for safekeeping--male and female, it works both ways."

-Elder Jeffery R. Holland

"The girl you marry will take a terrible chance on you. She will give her all to the young man she marries. He will largely determine the remainder of his [and her] life, she will even surrender her name to his name."

-President Gordon B. Hinckley

"Spiritual growth comes by solving problems together--not by running from them. Today's inordinate emphasis on individualism brings egotism and separation. Two individuals becoming 'one flesh' is still the Lord's standard."
-President Ezra Taft Benson

"Marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive. This is within the reach of every couple, every person."

-President Spencer W. Kimball

"The wisdom of God ofttimes appears as foolishness to men, but the greatest single lesson we can learn in mortality is that when God speaks and a man obeys, that man will always be right."
-President Thomas S. Monson

"The Lord expects something better of us. He expects something better than is to be found in the world... When we look for the worst in anyone, we will find it. But if we concentrate on the best, that element will grow until it sparkles."
-President Gordon B. Hinckley

"If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don't expose it to the elements. You don't make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by."
-Elder F. Burton Howard

"Don't waste your time searching and wishing. Grow and be ready... and you'll see God will give you a love story far better than you could ever dreamed of."
-President Gordon B. Hinckley

"The is nothing in this world as personal, as nurturing, or as life changing as the influence of a righteous woman."

-Elder M. Russell Ballard

"We cannot gauge the worth of another soul anymore than we can measure the span of the universe. Every person we meet is a VIP to our Heavenly Father. Once we understand that, we can begin to understand how we should treat our fellowmen. 

True love requires action. We can speak of love all day long-- we can write notes or poems that proclaim it, sing songs that praise it, and preach sermons that encourage it--but until we manifest that love in action, our words are nothing but 'sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal'.

Love is what inspired our Heavenly Father to create our spirits; it is what led our Savior to the Garden of Gethsemane to make Himself a ransom for our sins. Love is the grand motive of the Plan of Salvation. It is the source of happiness, the ever-renewing spring of healing, the precious fountain of hope."

-President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

"Your Father in Heaven and His Beloved son love you perfectly. They would not require you to experience a moment more of difficulty than is absolutely needed for your personal benefit or for that of those you love."

-Elder Richard G. Scott

"To trust means to obey willingly without knowing the end from the beginning."

-Elder Richard G. Scott

"The love of two righteous people moving toward the Savior can cast out the fears of all the world's unknowns."

"You can do something for another person that no one else ever born can do."
-President James Faust

"Fear not. Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith."
-President Thomas S. Monson

"Every noble impulse, every unselfish expression of love, every brave suffering for the right; every surrender of self to something higher than self; every loyalty to an ideal; every unselfish devotion to principle, every helpfulness to humanity; every act of self control, every fine courage of the soul, undefeated by pretense or policy, but by doing, and living of good for the very good's sake--that is spirituality."
-President David O. McKay

"The heaven we seek is little more than the projection of our homes into eternity."

-President Stephen L. Richards

"Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles, and less than perfect conditions. So what? Get started now, with each step you take, you grow stronger and stronger.

It is inconceivable that God would desire to punish or to see his children in suffering or pain or distress. He is a God of peace and tranquility. He offers joy and growth and happiness and peace."

-President Spencer W. Kimball

"Love is cleanliness and progress and sacrifice and selflessness. This kind of love never tires nor wanes, but lives through sickness and sorrow, poverty and privation, accomplishment and disappointment, time and eternity."

-President Spencer W. Kimball

"Love cannot be forced... it comes out of heaven unasked and unsought."

-President Gordon B. Hinckley

"I submit that... as a true guide. In the presence of the girl you truly love you do not feel to grovel, in her presence do not attempt to take advantage of her, in her presence feel that you would like to be everything that a master man should become, for she will inspire you to that ideal. And I ask you young women to cherish that same guide. My mother once said that if you meet a girl in whose presence you feel a desire to achieve, who inspires you to do your best, and to make the most of yourself, such a young woman is worthy of your love and is awakening love in your heart."
-President David O. McKay

"Choose your love, love your choice."
-President Thomas S. Monson

"When true love prevails between husband and wife, they want to give themselves to and for each other, as Christ gave of Himself. We give for each other on a daily basis. When we endeavor always to make each other happy. Then we give up thinking selfishly of ourselves and our personal needs. Then we really think not only of the here and now but of the hereafter."
-Elder Albert Choules Jr

"True charity is love in action. The need for charity is everywhere. Charity is having patience with someone who has let us down. It is resisting the impulse to become offended easily. It is accepting weaknesses and shortcomings. It is accepting people as they truly are. It is looking beyond physical appearances to attributes that will not dim through times. It is resisting the impulse to categorize others."

-President Thomas S. Monson

Eternal love is the purpose of us being here. To find our eternal companion who will be with us forever. Love is the best thing ever. This is why Satan tries to fill our heads with doubts. Love is in us, born within our hearts, and he wants to destroy it and replace it with misery and hate because he can't have love.

This is why so many marriages fail because from the moment you find your sweetheart and fall in love until crossing over safely to our Heavenly Father, Satan will do absolutely everything to destroy and break the covenants and eternal bond we have with our Savior and the one we love. He will always be there with doubts, fear, temptation, contention, conflict, anger, and sadness. He will always try to stir up trouble and exaggerate our trials until we feel like giving up, breaking down, deciding it's not worth it. But it is. Love is worth everything.

Marriage will be the best yet hardest thing in life. However, as Heavenly Father has shown us, nothing worthwhile is ever easy, but always always always worth it. You must work every moment of everyday to get to happily ever after. You have to be strong which is why you find the one for you who you are meant to be with to become one in every way. You are two imperfect people striving together to attain perfection and make your family yours forever. If you pray always together, are selfless, choose the right, and have faith, the Savior's love will overcome the adversary without fail. Heavenly Father is always there for us. In love, you must sacrifice everything, but the reward is a million times better than we are even capable of imaging. <3 Charley Brooke

Dear Love, Where are you?

JOURNAL ENTRY-- Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Why has love become so commercialized? It's almost become a product: mass produced all around us in movies, books, songs, greeting cards, TV, etc. It makes me sick and sad. Yes, I'm told it's the most amazing thing in the world, so incredible no words can begin to explain it. I honestly believe it. It's one of the things I desire most. It's all everyone wants. I mean it's like there is this desire deep inside me that I was born for love.

I feel like we are all missing a piece of us. That's where loneliness comes from. You can continue life and live without it, but you'll always be sad, feel empty and incomplete, unable to reach your full potential and know true happiness until you find that one person, your soul mate who has the missing piece, and you have theirs. That's the only way to be whole. I know this is true.

We are here on this Earth to find that person and be married for eternity. I believe that is a large reason for our purpose: to love others. We try to emulate the perfect love of our Savior. We must love one another. Love is everything. It sounds so simple, but this is a test. The adversary will do everything in his power to break you apart, to ruin the love he so badly desires. Every day is a battle to keep this true happiness and not believe the lies that worldly things and pleasure are better, when all they really lead to is misery, sorrow, betrayal, loss, and hate. 

This world is so corrupt. I swear that I wake up everyday and when you think the world couldn't be any worse or more wicked, it is. It's only going to get worse. Love truly is a battle. What the world and mass media and market place call "love" is severely distorted. It's so depressing to look around and see how many broken families, shattered lives, and divorces take place.

My point is I love the idea of real love, but I truly believe it doesn't exist anymore. It's too corrupted. It's ruined. It's sad. I know there is love, but not romantic/true love. It's all so fake. There is no trust. I wish I were a princess and young again so I could believe I'd find my prince who'd take me away to the castle for time and eternity. I wish I had that unwavering hope and faith in love. Before I learned that boys can lie, and they more frequently than not do, to use you, to kiss you, and then move onto the next girl like you are nothing, worthless, an item/thing. Before I discovered it's not just men of the world, but men in the church who use girls and only want physical satisfaction. Before I knew what adultery and cheating were.

I don't blame Heavenly Father. I know his plan is perfect. We have free agency and men who use girls and abuse them may get away with it here, but not in heaven. Heavenly Father created us, created the earth, and created love. I love Him for loving us so much. What a blessing! I just feel like I'll never find the love I want, but I won't settle for less. I'd love for "the one for me", if he exists, to prove me wrong and show me love still exists.

However, I'm not getting my hopes up. I have pushed love, boys, and relationships out of my mind. I'm not seeking love, I believe if I'm meant to fall in love, it will find me. Until then, or never, I've been focusing on family, friends, the gospel, making people happy, and schooling--becoming a doctor of radiology. I will continue to do what's right and let fate take it's course. And yes, I feel like something is missing from my life, but I'm still surprisingly happy.

"I believe that two people are connected at the heart, and it doesn't matter what you do, or who you are or where you live; there are no boundaries or barriers if two people are destined to be together." -Julia Roberts

"Don't waste your time searching and wishing. Grow and be ready... and you'll see God will give you a love story far better than you could ever dreamed of." -President Gordon B. Hinckley <3

Those two quotes are amazing and gives me hope.