How To Fall Out of Love with Love

let's take a better look... 

 beyond a story book

 and learn our souls are all we own

 before we turn to stone

 lets go to sleep with clearer heads

 and hearts too big to fit our beds and maybe we won't feel so alone

before we turn to stone

charley brooke

amazing[ly] [clueless] girl [full of] wonder

yes, i had a photoshoot of sorts today... 

It's been far too long, lovelies.

Let's talk...

This is me.

I want to be all inspiration-y 24/7, 365, forever-and-ever-and-ever, to infinity & beyond, don't we all?

If life was all sunshines, movie moments, perfect days, find our true love the instant we wish for him on birthday candles, at 11:11, or when our hearts ache for that person, that unknown soul wandering somewhere-who-knows-where, would be paradise. But that isn't how life works as, and I for one can testify to this time and again, much as we all desire for it to be that way. We just have to keep going even when the going is tough and you want to stop going because who knows where the next miracle, the next movie moment, the next wish come true will come from... or when? They happen, you know? 

I, also for one, can tell you that I am constantly thinking that I am the exception... that I am exempt from the good stuff, that my happily ever after is non existent and instead I am forced to be alone always and forever, watching everyone else (all of my friends, family, associates, strangers, everyone else BUT ME) live these perfect, happy, sunshine-y lives finding love, finding adventure, finding themselves, finding family... and me, stuck in this limbo state of nothingness, defective me... girl who is a boy repellant (apparently) and not ever good enough (or even close) no matter how hard she tries.

Trust me lovelies, NO ONE judges me, criticizes me, more than myself. So for all those who do out there, I can assure you that I do enough damage for everyone. Why though? Why am I not good enough? Why am I light years away from finding love or true happiness when it seems like everyone around me doesn't even have to try, they just get it without any effort? Why do I make people run, leave, race away and never look or come back to me? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? And most of all, and this is the big one, WHY DO I WANT TO BE IN LOVE? 

I don't really know if there are answers to these questions. 

For any of you who have ever felt the way I feel, I know what you're going through but I also know you'll get through. You aren't the only one who is broken. It's only when we are broken that we can become built stronger, better than before. It's easy to feel like you're alone, destined for loneliness, despite the fact that there are 7+ billion people in this world. How commonplace it is to feel alone in crowded rooms. 

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.

That being said, I believe that we are too hard on ourselves. We are too busy being worried about impression others and not making a fool of ourselves and miss out on the fun, the happiness. We shut ourselves out, build walls that can touch the stars around our hearts, and that's no way to live. No way to love. We all have something to give, and we should give until nothing is left, and even then keep giving, keep surviving, keep thriving, keep loving, keep laughing, keep working, keep inspiring, keep keeping on. 

You may feel like you're nothing new, but that isn't true. You are the only you there is. And I have to trust in my convictions and have faith that someone out there will appreciate and love every single part of me unconditionally, someone will do the same for you. First, to find someone you love, you've got to love yourself. Smile. Be kind to others. You create beauty with your attitude, your behavior, your actions. It's all up to you. Is what you are living for, worth dying for? Chances come briefly and out of nowhere and at times that may feel awkward or rushed, but take them! Because chances only come rarely and often not twice. Yes, they come with risks and are scary, but it's good to be afraid, it means you have something to lose... something worth losing. That's how we feel alive. 

I don't know about the rest of you lovelies, but I am not afraid of dying... I am not entirely fearless, I must admit... here's my biggest fear: the unlived life (not living life to the fullest). 

As the AMAZING, WONDERFUL, TALENTED, ARTIST, POET, EXTRAORDINAIRE Tyler Knott Gregson wrote, "It is only when we decide that 'ordinary' is an insult that we become the exquisite miracles we were born to be."

As for the title of this post: HOW TO FALL OUT OF LOVE WITH LOVE

I am not sure it's possible. 

I believe once you are in love with someone or something, truly in love, that it's impossible to fall out of love with it. 

After all, you should never give up on anything you can't go a day without thinking about. 

With Love,

C

Keep Your Head Up

This picture is for Paige! I have issues with my smile. I am not a fan. She loves it though and said I should smile more. It's a unique smile and it's mine. Smiling lights your eyes up. I am going to try and smile more. You should too :)

Confession time: I have self confidence issues. 

I think we all do at times. 

Let's change that lovelies!

I was struggling with this the past few weeks so I talked to the lovely Paige about it and asked her advice. She is gorgeous. It's not just her outward appearance (which is beautiful too) but how she carries herself, how she is sure of herself, her inner shine. You can just tell she is happy with who she is and doesn't care what others think. That is what matters. I asked her how she did it. Here is the best advice on finding confidence and loving who you are (that I've EVER heard) from Paige:

"I didn't used to always be (confident). At one point, I realized I hated being a follower, and I realized I was meant to be a leader. I realized I was making myself miserable comparing myself to others 24/7, and that the people I was comparing myself to were the ones that were, ironically enough, the least confident people I'd ever encountered. They were the people who so exuberantly acted 'high and mighty', took 'confidence' from bringing others down, and focused so much on outside appearances instead of what's inside a human being as well. I realized that confidence comes from deep within, NOT from the outside. And if these people had to try so hard to act confident, they weren't. If they had to put others down in order to gain what infinitival piece of what they liked to call 'confidence' they had--that in fact-- they were immensely lacking in the self confidence category. I realized that there were probably so many people who also admired me, or compared themselves to me, that I was completely unaware of as well. I realized when I quit trying to make every person happy--and started realizing how much happiness I got from that--that I already was confident. I was happy with who I was.

I realized where confidence really stems from. You're not confident if you need others to tell you that you are, or if you care if others even think you are. You're confidence when every person in the world could be making fun of you, when every person in the world could be telling you that you aren't confident, yet you can smile back at them and say 'I'm sorry you feel that way,' and move on knowing you are and thriving off the comfort that you, yourself, knows that you are. That's confidence. When you don't feel like you need to be putting on a show for the world 24/7. Because the world should be putting on a show for you :) I just release what people think. They can 'think' all they want but the truth is the truth, and what people 'think' doesn't change that. EVER. 

I'm happy with who I am, the way I look, and I'm proud of my weaknesses because it gives me something to improve on day by day. I don't want to 'look' like anybody else no matter how pretty they are, because I enjoy the fact that I can be ME and not a copy. I want to be an original, and my fears, enjoyments, personality, looks, and strengths make me that. So why compare myself to others when I don't want to be them, because if I was--I wouldn't be ME."

The following are some quotes Paige wrote down for me that she loves on confidence...

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."

-Eleanor Roosevelt

"It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes."
-Sally Field

"A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her."

-David Brinkley

"It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not."
-Anonymous

"It aint what they call you, it's what you answer to."

"If you hear a voice within you saying, 'You cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced."
-Vincent Van Gogh

"I am not a 'has-been'--I am a 'will be'."

-Lauren Bacall

"Just believe in the wonderful person you are Charley. Let all judgments, worries, and things out of your control go. For they are not in your control. You will ruin yourself and future constantly trying to make others happy. That's why there are so many people in this world. Not one person can make all happy. Life wasn't meant for it to be that simple. The right one and your one true love? You'll find you won't need to 'try' to make them happy. You just will."

-Paige :)

I asked my other dear friends--Tyson & Brie--about confidence.

Brie said she struggled with it majorly... she says what works for her is whenever she had a negative thought, doubted herself, or thought she wasn't good enough, she didn't tell Tyson because guys love girls that are confident (not cocky there's a major difference). She would push it away and think of something she liked about herself instead. Soon enough, it was a habit and she focused on the good, not her perceived shortcomings. 

Ty said even he had low self esteem at one time. He hated himself some days. Then he woke up one day and realized that there are people out there starving, without homes, clothes, etc and there were people dying, people who wouldn't be waking up that morning. He then decided that everyday we wake up and are alive is for a reason. We are meant for something big. We all have a purpose (big or small) and instead of wasting the precious time we are blessed to have constantly telling yourself you aren't good enough or being miserable by comparing yourself to others, you should be happy and find out what your purpose is that day. 

This is what I have to say...

Being confident in yourself, having a purpose, goals, and plans is what makes you beautiful.

THERE IS NO ONE ELSE LIKE YOU. 

7 billion+ people on the earth but only 1 YOU. 

God doesn't make mistakes. You are the way you are for a reason, and you're amazing.

You are unique. You are unlike any other. You are you.

There is only one cause of unhappiness... the false beliefs you have in your head. Beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them. You are your own worst critic. STOP it. 

You have to quit comparing yourself to others even though everywhere you go there are magazines, TV actresses/actors, models, etc in your face and you feel pressure to be perfect, to look like them. 

You can't life your life worrying that the world is staring at you. When you let people's opinions make you self conscious you give away your power... the key to feeling confident is to always listen to your inner self, the real you.

There has never been another you. You are a once-in-all-history event. You may not be able to see your undeveloped potential, but it's there--and it's enormous!

Don't wait for the perfect moment... take the moment and make it perfect. Don't wait for the day you are "prettier" or "skinnier" or anything else. No one is perfect! You are perfectly you though.

I heard this saying recently and am loving it--You're never fully dressed without a smile.

“Society is wrong. Dead wrong. We’re taught to believe that exotic is beautiful. We’re taught to believe that miniature waists, and perfect tans are beautiful. We’re convinced that blonde girls with the gorgeous smiles will win every time. But the truth is: originality is beautiful. Big brown eyes, green eyes, blue eyes. Curves. Your natural skin tone is beautiful. Your hair color, your smile. Your voice, your laugh, your personality. Every inch of you is beautiful, every single part of you shines with your essence. You, my dear? You’re lovely.”

You are the most beautiful thing in the world.