E V O L

I had the biggest epiphany at work today at my second job.

I work as a mentor at a treatment center and that job is my heart.

Anyways... we were doing this meditating session.

I have been having the worst luck with matters of the heart and "men" (more like boys with their behavior or lack thereof).

You know me. Love is the definition of me. I love love more than anyone. I am a hopeless romantic. The hopeless-est hopeless romantic. My heart is so overflowing with love I cannot comprehend that it hasn't burst or broke after all the heartbreak I've suffered...

Well recently, I've had horror experiences with a few of these boys...

One from the past that was on and off since 2015. The other one I met at an institute class. And the last one I've know since 2012 that we've secretly had a thing for but he is so hot/cold and older and all about his "routine" and I think it's a pathetic excuse for being alone for the rest of his life. I feel sorry for him, actually. He'll never know love...passionate, unconditional, beautiful, maddening, compassionate, and a zillion other adjectives LOVE. True love. His loss. All of their losses.

What is wrong with men these days? They all want one thing and one thing only: they see me a beautiful, gorgeous face with a lovely body and you know what they want next... me. To use me and check me off their lists of conquests. They promise love, forever, marriage. At least the 2015 one. It's all bullshit and lies (excuse my language but after his behavior you would validate my use of profanity). What happened to chivalry, hopeless romance, romance in general, men who want forever, I may not be your first but why can't I be your last? Is love really dead? Is it all a lie? I refuse to settle for broken promises and one night stands. No boy will use me for sick twisted pleasure. I want a best friend who loves me for me in spite of the past and everything. I want a man who will love me as much as I love him. A giver and taker just like me. Equality. Pure, sweet, beautiful, passionate, compassionate, maddening, gorgeous, mind blowing, unconditional, spiritual, all of you love. I WILL NEVER SETTLE AGAIN. I hate myself for losing my first love. We were the closest thing to perfect for one another. However, I was young and listened to all the voices of family and friends instead of my heart and lost him 10 years ago and he will never be back... I have to believe in fate though. Everything happens for a reason. Then there was my abusive temple marriage. Two years of hell. It started out so romantic and lovely and everything I thought I wanted. He was a sweetheart turned into a stranger who hurt me in every possible way. And cheated. The only serious relationship I've had since was with 2015 boy. He's actually a man about 9 years older than me. But his name doesn't deserve to be spoken. He's a coward. A liar. Selfish. I can't believe I fell for his sweet nothings. NEVER AGAIN.

Anyways, we meditated for an hour today and it was so profound...

I discovered there is one thing you cannot buy with all the money in the world, you could spend forever searching and chasing and trying desperately to find it and force it, you can wish on stars til you're blue in the face but you are wasting your time... what is this thing I'm talking about in the twenty first century where everything is available at our fingertips or if you have the money and means?

L O V E

or 

spelled backwards

E V O L

You cannot fight fate. 

Love finds you... when you least expect it. When you aren't looking for it. I believe all I can do is pray to my Heavenly Father that he will lead my future husband to me and continue to live my best life doing what I love and being the best me and advancing with my two jobs and school and writing and if (and I pray with all of me if) love really does exist still in these modern times, He will lead him into my life if I am patient and doing my thing. Making my own happiness. I had a life coach once named Todd Sylvester (Google him he is AMAZING. LIFE CHANGING.) He taught me one of the most important lessons of my life. 

He told me in his office one day as I was crying over loneliness,

"Charley, I love my wife with all my heart, but she doesn't make me happy."

I looked at him like he was insane. Who says that?

Then he said this:

"Don't get me wrong, I love her. She is the love of my life. She enhances my happiness. But I make myself happy. If I wasn't happy on my own, I couldn't be happy with her. You have to be able to be happy by yourself in order to love someone. No one can make you happy but you."

And that lesson changed my life forever.

Thank you to my dear friend Payden for reminding me of this lesson. He was also in treatment with me and saw Todd. It's the truth. You make yourself happy. Then you can be happy with another person. So be happy. Choose happiness. Fight for it. Ignore the haters or naysayers. Be happy everyday. 

I love you all. You are loved. 

"You might not recognize her anymore. Things were different now, she was beginning to make sense of who she was becoming. Sure, it took some time to get here, and maybe she took a few ill advised turns. But the long way isn't always the wrong way. Her route, her rules. Everything that made her beautiful, made her slightly terrifying. She would challenge you, sweet lipped, but with a look that was deliberate.  A gaze with weight, that meant something. Some things can't just be singular. And when they change, it's because they have to. Not to fit in, or stand out, but to survive. You might not have a say in that, or even make sense of it. But she gets it. She understands that she really can be whoever she wants to be, so long as she stays herself. She felt for things, and people, and her dreams wholeheartedly. Some carry so much conviction, and life, that they're never truly alone. You won't take that from her."

-J. Raymond

"I love the way she survived. Survival looked good on her. There were no dark marks under her eyes. Maybe deep inside, but I liked the way she looked through them and laughed at life. She did it gracefully. She'd walked over glass and through fire, but still smiled. And, honestly, I'm not interested in people who haven't lived and died a few times. Who haven't yet had their heart ripped out, or know what it feels like to lose everything. I trust those people, because they stand for something. I knew what she'd been through."

-J. Raymond

"She's falling in love with herself again she's learning once more what it means to be happy on her own."

-r.h Sin

"And maybe, for now, a happy ending doesn't include a relationship. Maybe it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just moving on."

"You are not his princess.

You are your own queen."

-Nikita Gill

"Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself."

"There's so much more to life than being sad over someone who doesn't. There's a lot of wonderful time to be spent discovering yourself and it doesn't need to be empty or painful. You need to fill yourself up with love. Not anyone else. Become a whole being on your own. Go on adventures, fall asleep in the woods with friends, wander around the city at night, write on bathroom stalls, sit in a coffee shop on your own, leave notes in library books, dress up for yourself, give to others, smile a lot. Do all things with love. Life for yourself and be happy on your own. It isn't any less beautiful, I promise."

-Emery Allen

"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world."

-Lucille Ball

"Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love."

-Brene Brown

"Why should we worry about what others think of us, do we have more confidence in their opinions than we do our own?"

-Brigham Young

<W/L3

Charley Brooke

Whatever It Takes

"There's only one thing more precious than our time and that's who we spend it on."

-Leo Christopher

Hello my B-E-A-utiful nation of lovelies.

Lets get inspired, shall we?

Imma start with some time traveling because there are stories from the past that are worth telling.

I want to share them with you.

...

Then we'll get back to the closest-thing-to-perfect present.

Friday December 28, 2007

Ten years ago (makes me feel OLD!)

 "One Hand, One Heart" -West Side Story

Tony- "Make of our hands one hand,

Make of our hearts one heart,

Make of our vows one last vow:

Only death will part us now."

Maria- "Make of our lives one life,

Day after day, one life."

Both- "Now it begins, now we start

One hand, one heart--

Even death won't part us now."

[FYI--I am just as obsessed with WSS today as I was then and I am not ashamed.]

Obviously I'm watching West Side Story because it's my favorite movie. I love this picture of Tony and Maria (above ^). Aww I just adore this movie. Kylie and Jordan were watching it with me, but they fell asleep right before the death/fight scene [spoiler alert]. Haha. We said Riff was Jordan's boyfriend, Bernardo was Kylie's boyfriend, and as always, Tony was my boyfriend. I wish! I am like in love with Tony, haha too bad he's a fictional character. I'm not really in love with him; I'm in love with the idea of him.

Alexia is sleeping over and she and McHale are sleeping in the living room. Today we started painting our room. I'm not a big fan of the color scheme, but change is nice. We are doing three walls brown and one pink. I thought it would be ugly but I like it. We all painted one wall brown and then McHale and Alexia felt sick so they went to the living room. I painted an entire wall pink practically all by myself. Painting got tiring, but it's kinda fun and relaxing. I listened to my "love music" as Sam calls it. I'd say I did a good job.

Wow. So many days I look back on what I write and just want to burn this journal, shred it to pieces, and throw it away and forget about it because I sound stupid most of the time and don't filter what I say. But I KNOW I'd regret it. Despite how lame my life may be, it's still my life and I want to make something of it and remember it.

Okay girl get a hold of yourself. Find the balance between saying too much and not enough. Don't stay stuff you'll regret, but don't leave out something you don't want to forget. The moments in life pass quickly like rainfall so I must write them down so forever I can recall it all. Good, bad, ugly, sad.

Life may have its down turns, but we live, love, learn. Even if tears start pouring and life is boring, this life is mine and I'm going to shine.

Alright, I just got into this free-writing state of mind now. I'm going to copy a song Sam wrote for me in here.

(See below)

....

 For tired eyes or lovelies who can't read my handwriting haha...

"Your coffee eyes tantalize.

Lips perfect as a moonlit star speckled sky.

Your skin is softer than song.

Hair gleaming like ice covered oceans.

Heartbeat quickens in her presence.

Hands quake at her sight.

Mind cracks under her pressure.

You push hard as me in this game.

Your thoughts and mine are the same.

I want you more than men crave glory.

I want to tell our children the story.

How mama and papa came to be.

True love rings in my deaf ears.

I cannot hear music, I only hear you.

You are my perfect song.

All I've been searching out for years.

Hope you feel the same way I do.

That our love is this song.

Every kiss is a new world.

Every embrace is an adventure.

Every day with you is wondrous.

Every word means love to us.

You are my resurrection.

You are my revival.

You are my revolution."

-Untitled song written for (and about) me by Samuel Joseph Garner.

I forget how speechlessly beautiful that song was... That boy can write. That boy puts Shakespeare to shame. 

Sam is so sweet. He is also very creative and talented when it comes to writing music. It's quite amazing.

Today was not normal! I woke up at 7 in the morning and I didn't fall asleep until around 3 or 4 last night! I can't believe I woke up so early, but my arms hurt so bad, worse than they ever have! They ached so badly I couldn't sleep. McHale and Lexie were awake too because they always wake up early and the little kids (sibs) woke them up. So we had breakfast and watched Arthur with them. 

McHale did a second coat on a wall by herself and then Lexie and I helped her paint another wall. While painting, we watched West Side Story naturally even though McHale hates it. Kylie and Jordan helped us paint too. Lexie had to go home. Finally we finished painting! It was a relief.

We spent the rest of the day reorganizing and cleaning the room although we didn't finish entirely. I called Sam and Brooke and invited them over. McHale felt really sick. Brooke came over and we decided to go shopping for room decorations. 

 "I have no idea what to write. Sorry about the kissing dare. I couldn't think of anything else. You're an awesome girl.

Samuel Garner.

Nevermind, I take that back. I'm glad I had you do that dare. And you are an AMAZING kisser!!! :)"

-Sam (wrote that in my journal 12/28/07)

[Gotta love truthing and daring back in the day when you were too afraid to just go for things and take risks)

 "So you are a fantastic kisser. Seriously, everything about you just blows me away. You leave me at a loss for language. Just a glimpse at you brings a smile to my face. Every time I hold your hand I find myself in a haven lost in heaven. Corny as hell, but I like writing it.

Samuel Garner."

-Sam (wrote that in my journal 12/28/07)

 Sam and I came to my house. We went to my room and got out the mistletoe he gave me for Christmas and he took it and held it over our heads and we shared a kiss. It was sweet of him.

We sat on my bed and talked. He let me lay my head on his chest so I could listen to his heart and feel him breathe. I loved that. Everything seems okay when he holds me in his arms. He told me he loved me and I freaked out and told him he was crazy and didn't mean it because I didn't think it was possible to fall in love so fast. I mean love in general scares me. He left a little before one.

I called Brie ASAP and told her that Sam told me he loved me and I told her what I said. She called me stupid and said I shouldn't have said that because it was possible. She was right but you know my little unsure mind that does the thinking for me. Charley needs to listen to her heart a little more... indeed. I believe I'm falling in love with Sam.

Oh my that scares me! I don't want Sam to break my heart if I give it to him. Because we all know if he did, I'd totally cry my eyes out and give up on love and become bitter and really end up moving to Seattle and becoming some lonely, beautiful, single cat lady with Lexie. HAHA. However, I trust Sam, I don't think he'd do such a thing, at least not if he really truly does love me which I believe he does. He's amazing. He sang Death Cab's I'll Follow You Into The Dark for me tonight!!!

I always, my entire life, have wanted to fall in love, dreamed of it, and knew I would. The thing is I sorta created this dream boy in my head. I mean I didn't have a name or face for him, but I came up with all the qualities I wanted in him. I even talked about it in past journals. I just never in my wildest dreams ever thought I would fall in love with Sam Garner. I mean it's not a bad thing. I believe in fate and that everything happens for a reason, but I just never pictured Sam as "the one". But it's a good thing. That's funny our names are Sam and Charley! Like the LDS movie Charly.

I love Samuel Joseph Garner like he loves me.

 "It's so easy to think about love, to talk about love, to wish for love, but it's not always easy to recognize love, even when we hold it... in our hands."

I'll end this entry with a letter Sam wrote me...

"Dearest Charley,

This is the letter I promised you. I suppose I should begin with saying that I believe you are the most incredible girl I have ever had the pleasure and privilege of meeting. You have done so much for me. My life is changed, all because of you. I have seen your mind and concluded you are truly the amazing girl wonder [you can find the song Amazing Girl Wonder that Sam wrote for me on ITunes by his band Cruise Control :) ] As I gaze into your eyes I see endless, eternity, the shred of love I have vainly searched for. I have found impostors of such feelings, hollow shells of hell laced with an urge to dive into abuses of substances and self. Madness haunted the subconscious and awakened parts of the mind... until I met you.

I must be a fool, for I utter things meant to be kept within. Dear, the nickname bestowed upon you is of my make, is evidence of such. I have made the proclamation: I love you... such a simple sentence. I wonder how it can be so tender, yet so wounding. It has stabbed my heart once, and the scar reminds me of these words, but still my heart screams it whenever you are there. Warmth, beats of the heart, all instruments in the symphony of love... every time I meet you.

You know so much about me, and I about you. I have composed two songs already about you. Difficulties for me involve releasing my inner most thoughts, I allow myself to do so in writing or song, never to be spoken by mine own voice until I met you.

Continuously, I watch for your call. I love the sound of your voice. When you rest your weary head upon my chest, just to listen to my heartbeat while I gently breathe, I find my home I've searched for. My soul is no longer alone, but entwined in love. You bring life to my spirit.

Sam."

<3 Charley Brooke

FOR THE RECORD:

I do not love Sam anymore. We've moved on. We lived entirely different lives. However, I'll forever treasure and fondly look back on the two and a half years we were in a relationship. Sam will always be a part of my heart. I am forever thankful for him being in my life at that time... when I called him mine and he called me his... more importantly, that we called each other "best friend". Even though we went our separate ways and live different lives, I will never regret loving Sam with my entire heart for those years.

He showed me what it felt like to be treated like a princess. 

He showed me in words---and most importantly, ACTIONS--what a healthy, normal, endearing, unconditionally loving, empowering relationship looked and felt like so that I knew when the time came (which I never imagined occurring in even my worst nightmares) where I found myself in an abusive, controlling, manipulative relationship years later. Sam gave me something to contrast it with.

You don't hurt the ones you love.

You don't physically harm those you love... especially a girl.

Sam wholeheartedly believed those things and never once did he hurt or abuse me. He put me first.

I wish the best for him, his new life, and his family.

#CharSam #amazinggirlwonder #firstlove

Our first love is when we are young, high school even (Sam and I dated between the ages of 18-20).

It's the idealistic love; the one that seems like the fairytales we are all read as children. It's a love that looks right.

Wednesday December 28, 2011

Six years ago.

 The game of Quelf.

I've wanted to make this, the last week of 2011, the best one, the one to never forget, one worth remembering. That's not exactly promising.

Mom and Jord are in Vegas until Thursday. They left today. Mom called me tonight to let me know she got me Kate Walsh's Boyfriend perfume! I am so excited for my new BOYFRIEND! This one will never hurt me ;) That made this night a little better. 

I took Jared and Christian to lunch today at Panda Express since it's like their favorite.

Tonight, I went and got pizza and pop and had Brie, Tyson, and Matt over for dinner, games, and a movie. Chrish had Jared and Carson Bechtal over. They played video games all night long. I wish I'd just sat up here alone tonight to be quiet honest. It turned into a disaster. Ugh. Matt was beyond distant. We ate and then played Quelf. Matt doesn't really like that game. I could tell he wasn't really having fun. It bothered me a bit how Matt doesn't seem to appreciate all that I do for him. I don't do it because I'm seeking praise, but he acts so ungrateful like the words "thank you" are a foreign language he isn't fluent in. He didn't thank me once for dinner. He acted weird. I don't mean to be mean, but seriously! I, again, go unnoticed. It's like nothing I do is good enough. I'm not appreciated. This saddens me. I try too hard and end up heartbroken.

Haha lets lighten things up a bit... at one point tonight, I was Googling the lyrics to Patty Cake so Matt (who was sitting under the dining room table) and Tyson could sing it while wearing Matt's belt wrapped around my head like a ninja as Brie dumped Bob's change jar all over the ground frantically searching for 68 cents exactly... True story. If you've played Quelf, you understand that this is perfectly normal! It's a fun game! I highly recommend it. Good times.

After the fun and games, we all went to the theater room to watch a movie. We let the boys choose. Their choice was The Proposal. It was cute. I'd never seen it before. I love Ryan Reynolds so very much. He needs to marry me! Matt and I sat in a love seat. I might as well have sat alone in the front row by myself. Matt didn't want to cuddle at all. It was like I had cooties or Ebola or was infected with a deadly disease. At one point, I tried to hold Matt's hand. I made the first move and he pulled away.

Mood=morose.

I've made up my mind. At that moment, I realized this was the last time I'd ever hang out with Matt. I can't do it anymore. It's hopeless. I'm hopeless. Romance and love are hopeless. I like him. I am getting feelings for him. He doesn't feel the same or like me. Unrequited. I can't pretend those feelings don't exist, nor can I hide them. I won't let myself fall deeper. I have to just cut our ties now. There is nothing (well almost nothing) worse than continuing to hope I have a chance when it's an impossibility. It feels real from the outside but the inside is hollow nothingness. Why do I keep meeting people who leave and exit my life at the pace of a revolving door? I can lock everyone in my heart--forever there they will stay--unfortunately, I cannot keep them in my life.

I am tired of boys and their endless lies and games. They say they're "not like the rest" well just saying that is meaningless and makes them e x a c t l y like the rest. You have to prove it in actions, not just words.

Where to miss? (you may ask since I'm sick of writing)

To the stars... *

Imma end with some quotes.

"I've come to believe that in everyone's life, there's one undeniable moment of change, a set of circumstances that suddenly alters everything."

-Nicholas Sparks, Safe Haven

"Don't Wait For The World" by Jacob Gann

We're agonized by awkwardness but crucified for confidence.

So which one are you gonna be?

We're looking at everyone else to define ourselves.

As if how we're seen is how we see.

So don't wait for the world to tell you who you are.

Because the world won't wait for you

to tell you what you aren't

so just run away from everything they say.

They don't know themselves anyway.

Don't let how you're seen be how you see.

"Rose, you're the most amazingly astounding, wonderful girl, woman, that I've ever known. I'm not an idiot. I know how the world works, but I'm too involved now. You jump, I jump, remember?"

-Jack Dawson

"What if all you lack

has always lived inside me

and in me alone?"
-Tyler Knott Gregson

"Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your soul."

-Henry Ford

"Something keeps me holding on to nothing."

"And the dangerous thing about excuses is that if we recite them enough times, we actually come to believe they are true."

-Robin Sharma

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."

-Maya Angelou

"I'll get through today

whatever it will bring if

you're my tomorrow."

-Tyler Knott Gregson

Now some words from my spirit animal (Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer)

#oth #peytonsawyer #peoplealwaysleave

<W/L3 Charley Brooke

Friday December 28, 2012

Five years ago

 "Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is one of the most attractive things you can do."

 Lambsey & Charsley. BFT (Best Friend Twins)

Twins 7 Years Apart IRL.

10/14/1989

10/14/1996

 Ditching the family Christmas party >)

"I fought because I had found peace in her. Because I knew I could find rest in her touch that somehow both burned me up and washed me clean."

-Ky Markham, Crossed, by Ally Condie

Today was my last day of work for this year!

I also have next week off which is exciting. Bob's family Christmas party was today. I came to it after I worked. All of his family was there like the one two years ago except for Mitch. I talked to his sweet mom Maurie who said he had to work or something; since he was the only one who really got close to us last time, Chrish and I said hi to everyone and figured the 50 or so people/family wouldn't realize our absence or notice if we went missing or care. We told mom we were going to get a pop and that we'd get her one too.

We fulfilled our promise and returned with sodas... at 5:00pm (about two hours later) aka when the party was ending :) Haha we ended up going to Ming's Cafe for lunch. 

Those are our fortunes.

I've never seen a misspelled fortune until today.

I am quite certain that Lambsey's fortune is supposed to say "Let the sun shine on your soul" instead of "Le the sun shine on your soul" but then again I thought the point of fortunes were to predict an event or happening in your future such as "The sun will shine on your soul". The way they are is more like generalized advice or statements. Fortune cookie companies need to get it together!

Well after lunch, Lambsey and I had a fun filled afternoon shopping. We went to the mall and ran into grandma and grandpa, Dylan Miles, and Ryan Robison. 

Later tonight when all of the family had left except for Bob's brother Jared and his lovely wife Shannon and their adorable four little kids (who stayed the night last night and are staying again tonight) and Britton. It was a relaxing, mellow night.

<W/L3 Charley Brooke

 "Time is very slow for those who wait. Very fast for those who are scared. Very long for those who lament. Very short for those who celebrate. But for those who love, time is eternal."

-William Shakespeare

 The purity of a kiss.

I think kissing is the most pure and raw form of physical contact there could ever be.

Sex is intimate, sure, but you can have sex with anyone. A kiss though, my god.

A kiss can change your world. A small touch between two pairs of lips can blow your mind. Whether it be short and sweet, or long and intense. And when you find someone that looks at you like you're more beautiful than a blossoming rose; you never want to feel another's lips against yours ever again.

 "You are a poem written with flesh and bones and tiny particles of glittery stars and everything beautiful I am fated to love."

-Anita Krizzan

 The earth without art is just eh.

 The badass princesses save themselves in this one :)

Seeing this fiercely, strong, bombshell of a best friend made my night.

I love you Yuki.
I was fired from my job at House of Hope for visiting this lovely girl and surprising her with a Christmas gift. I just wanted to do something in the spirit of Christmas. She was no longer a client of mine. I brought a friend along and there were other people supervising this visit. Yuki was struggling and I wanted to help her. When I spoke with Seth about my sadness for getting fired for just visiting this darling family, he said "You remind me of President Thomas S. Monson. That is something he would do and approve of."
I agree. I would do it all over again. 

 Y u k i

C h a r l e y

Z u r i y a h

Z a y l e e

We live in a generation that is highly skilled at allowing connections to fade away. Because of social media and cell phones, we think people are replaceable, and that's silly. You cannot replace the energy of someone who is genuine especially if they're putting consistent effort out, to be in your life. Appreciate them, cherish them, those people are gold.

These girls are gold.

They are the family I choose and love love love.

Lovelies, happiness doesn't even scratch the surface or begin to define how HAPPY I am in my life right now. 2015-2017, hell mid 2013-2017, have been battles, fighting for life (literally), nearly dying, breaking down, wanting to disappear and not be here anymore... but they've also been full of joy, love, miracles, and magic. I wouldn't trade all the pain and hell I've suffered through for the beauty and heaven that is my life now. I have no words for this. I thought I knew what happiness was, but oh my goodness I had no idea. This is happiness. It's everything. My life isn't perfect by any means, nor am I. There are still bad days. There are moments I doubt myself. There are times I look in the mirror and don't like the face I see staring back at me. But mainly, I feel confident. I feel pretty. I feel beautiful--inside and out. I am making progress and working hard and pursuing my dreams and passions with every fiber of my being. I love that I literally have the most incredible family and friends ever created. I do. They bring me more joy that I feel I deserve. I am abundantly loved and my heart bursts with love for all of you. I have to shout out to my wonderful family--mom, dad, Tressa, Bob, Tyler, Hope, Britton, Jordan, Colton, Tanner, McHale, Jordan, and Christian, I love you all with my entire heart. I feel so blessed to be your daughter, your sister, your friend. We may not see each other everyday, but you're in my thoughts and prayers always. I am insanely proud of all of you and the lives you're creating. 

My friends--Tyson, Aubrey, Heather, Taya, Hillary, Paige-Madison, Paige Collier, Yuki, Leigh, Karly, Sara, Liliya, Stacie, Deedra, Madison, Megan, Haylee, Krystal, Simone, Andie, Alexia, Eros, Katie, and the rest of you--I LOVE YOU all. My love is infinite. I am always here for you. You all bring light into this dark world and it's breathtakingly beautiful. I'm overwhelmed to call myself your friend. You are among the best people to walk this planet. You're all changing the world in your own unique, lovely ways and it's such an honor to hear about it and be a part of it. Seriously, hands down #friendshipgoals #squadgoals You're all killing it and it's inspiring. I cannot wait for the memories we'll make in 2018 and forever to come.

I believe in true love.

I believe in love at first sight.

I believe that love conquers all.

And that doesn't mean there won't be hard days or difficult things to deal with, because there will be. But finding that person who does it for you and knowing that person loves you back just makes everything so much easier. Worth it. 

Love--real love--is invariably the story of two troubled people who understand and accept each other's troubles, but choose to face them together with love.

My greatest wish is that in 2018 I can find the end of all the endings because my broken bones are mending.

I love you, lovelies.

Here's to 2018 my nation of lovelies.

Aspire to inspire.

The best is yet to come.

You have to believe it and make it happen.

Life is meant to be lived and loved and enjoyed.

<W/L3

C

 "Falling too fast to prepare for this.

Everybody hoping they could be the one.

I was born to run, I was born for this.

Whip, whip

Run me like a race horse

Pull me like a ripcord.

Break me down and build me up.

I wanna be the slip, slip

Word upon your lip, lip 

Letter that you rip, rip

Break me down and build me up.

Whatever it takes.

Cause I love the adrenaline in my veins.

I do whatever it takes.

Yeah, take me to the top.

I'm ready for whatever it takes.

Always had a fear of being typical.

Looking at my body feeling miserable.

Always hanging on to the visual.

Looking at my years like a martyrdom

Everybody needs to be a part of 'em

I was born to run, I was born for this.

Hypocritical, egotistical

Don't wanna be the parenthetical, hypothetical

Working onto something that I'm proud of, out of the box.

An epoxy to the world and the vision we've lost

I'm an apostrophe

I'm just a symbol to remind you that there's more to see.

And yet a masterpiece.

I'll do whatever it takes."

-Imagine Dragons

P.S. HAIR GOALS TODAY!

Dear 2 0 1 8 You

dream it then real life it.

2016: The Caterpillar.

2017: The Cocoon.

2018: The Butterfly.

She changed this year.

She decided she didn't want to be this shy person anymore

because she always felt left out.

She decided to do one thing a day that scared her.

She decided to be more open-minded and

to stop judging everyone without knowing them and their reasons.

She decided to stop holding herself back and to stop pretending she's somebody she isn't just to impress people that won't matter in a few months.

These decisions made her happy.

She's carefree, bold, and living life at the fullest.

Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen.

This is the year I will be stronger, braver, kinder, & unstoppable.

This year I will be fierce.

Don't read the last page

But I stay.

I don't think there's a better feeling than realizing you no longer live in the same realm you used to. Growth is so beautiful.

Please no more temporary people in 2018.

Dear 2018 me,

You are still a blank slate, a collection of days not yet trodden, so let's make it right this time. Learn to cherish each moment. Take time to breathe and look at the things around you. Appreciate. Appreciate. Appreciate. [Even when you aren't appreciated]. Be grateful. You are more now than you were bleeding to death a year and a half ago. You are more now than you were five or ten years ago. Hell, you are more now than you ever were. So please please please choose happiness. Keep your footsteps steady, you may find one day that you seem to be moving slowly, and that's okay, as long as you keep moving forward. You may stumble and fall along the way (as you have before and as every single human being on this planet has), and that's alright too. You have so many bruises and scars already on your body and in your heart, and every time you still have to get up and look at those battle wounds as proof that you are a survivor. You have a purpose. Sometimes you wish you had stayed on the ground and given up... that's okay and that's normal. I want to tell you to not be ashamed of it. Take your time this coming year please. Appreciate life. Forward is forward. Take risks when it comes to love and your heart but guard it as if you life depends upon it: because it does. And you are a badass princess... even if you are a princeless princess. Because let me tell you a secret. A princess is still a princess without a prince. In fact, she is MORE of a princess. You are worthy. You are beautiful. You are imperfectly perfect. One step is still a step as long as you keep your eyes on your goals. Never ever give up on your goals. Ever. Choose happiness. Make happiness your priority and make spreading it to others a priority. And I know you still have that inner compass in you, that inner knowing (God and the Holy Ghost) that makes you know which path to take and will never lead you astray. Listen to it. Always. It never fails.

And when things get hard (which inevitably they always will) and too much to bear, always look and ask for help from Heavenly Father. Pray. Pray always. Seek Him even on the greatest moments of your life, or the mundane periods of your life. Seek Him in the moments of greatest despair when you're sobbing on the bathroom floor and feeling like you just want to die. Seek Him at all times. If there's anything I have learned this year and that I want you to remember, it is that we have a Heavenly Father who loves us, who is in control, who has a plan of happiness for us, and who is always there. Remember that. Pray. Whether you're happy or not, because He always listens, every time, 24/7 365. 

And please, please, please know that I am here for you, your past selves, all of us, an accumulation and amalgam of years and experiences, a collection of moments and little joys and sadness, we're here and we're still here, making up who you are today, who you were in 2017, and who you will be in 2018... an even better version of yourself.

And above all, be brave. I know we can do this. Believe in yourself. I believe in you.

I wish you the best in life and love and everything else your heart desires.

<W/L3 (With Love),

C

My Time Turner

Thursday December 9, 2010

We're traveling back in time seven years...

"Ah the roommate drama is driving me crazy! Sunday, McHale, Jordan, and I were in my room talking when Rian just walks in and starts going ballistic using language like an episode of Jersey Shore. It was madness. She was all mad over McHale supposedly hiding toilet paper (since they share a bathroom) and Hannah and I share one. Rian was screaming profanities at McHale and she went through McHale's stuff. I find that entirely inappropriate. The yelling ended with Rian telling McHale to "f***" off and flipping her off.

I was in such shock that I was stunned and couldn't speak. But no one treats my sister like that or yells at her in that manner. It was wrong. I won/t stand for it. You don't do that to anyone. It's a form of bullying in my opinion. She verbally assaulted McHale. Now McHale and Rian have been fighting and have disliked each other from the beginning when we first moved in. I am a peacemaker. I love Rian. I have stayed neutral and been friends with both of them. I believe in kindness and loving one another and forgiveness like the Savior.

However, Rian crossed the line. She asked me to talk and if we were still friends or if I was just going to ignore her forever. She apologized to me and admitted that she took it too far and was in the wrong for her approach. I told her she needed to apologize to my sisters. She agreed to say sorry to Jordan, but not McHale because of their prior conflicts and negative past. Despite that, I told her I firmly believe she owes McHale an apology for the episode she caused and for verbally harassing her. I don't think she'll ever swallow her pride and do so, I forgive Rian of course, but I want her to tell McHale she is sorry for her tone, approach, and insults. 

I just want peace and love and happiness. 

Rian needs to respect McHale.

McHale needs to respect Rian.

I'm still a little shaken up for how Rian treated my sister (especially the way she did it so publicly!) I'll ALWAYS stand up for McHale, my sisters, and my family. Hannah is taking Rian's side. [I can't believe there are sides! Like are we back in high school?! I thought this was college and adulting.] Ugh I hate the whole sides thing. It's juvenile and dramatic. I take no sides. I'm just standing up for what's right and asking for one simple apology where it's deserved. Three simple words that hold an immensity of power.

 Hannah & I
(Side note, I miss my Hannah Banana)

 Roommates past: Bowling-Getting-To-Know-Each-Other-At-The-ISU-Sub
Our bowling names: Rian=Meredith, Charley=Izzie, Hannah=Calliope, & McHale=Cristina...
Are you sensing a love of Grey's Anatomy?!

McHale & Rian before everything changed for the worst :(

In other awkwardness in the life of Charley, Bo (ex-boyfriend) came by my apartment tonight. It was the first time I've seen him since we broke up. He was dropping off my mom's broken lamp piece that he fixed from his furniture store. He made small talk for about ten minutes, working the weather, our families, the holiday season, etc as he stood in the freezing cold. I didn't invite him in because I didn't want to talk/hang out with him after what he did to me. You could tell he wanted to though. His eyes begged for an unspoken invitation into my apartment and my heart. 

I've moved on.

I didn't hide the fact that I'm over him and had no interest in talking to him whatsoever. He could tell because he kept stopping and shaking his head and interrupting me, saying: "You hate me! You totally hate me!"

to which I rightfully denied because it's not true. As I told him, I don't hate him. I don't hate anyone. But I'm definitely not his biggest fan. I don't consider him a friend either. (I didn't mention the last sentence to him or this one out loud). He's just an associate. I don't like him like him or dislike him or even like him, we're just neutral, normal, polite. It's forced.

Well he finally ran out of small talk and started to say how sorry he was about us, and I immediately stopped him in his tracks. I made it clear that it's fine! It's great. I've moved on and am happy, never better. Then he admitted that he's going to be in town in a week or so for a game his sister is cheering for and wants to see me. He asked me if I would go to dinner with him too. 

(I'm thinking to myself seriously? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!--a Grey's Anatomy Meredith Grey seriously, obviously). I responded maybe [which is a polite NO in my book]. He looked defeated and made a promise to call me and then reached out and pulled me into his arms in an embrace and hugged me. Out of habit--and just being a sucker for hugs in general--I hugged him back; a goodbye forever (in my mind) hug and that was that.

All I can say is that my mom sure better love me for getting that lamp piece back ;)

Bo & I reconnected in January 2011. We went to dinner and attended an Andy Grammer concert in SLC. Sad fact: Andy asked me out on a date after the show but Bo had to rush home to (get this) meet up with another girl! I'll always have that fun fact that Andy Grammer wanted to take me on a date.

I also met Rachel Platten (famous for her Fight Song). Bo wasn't too happy about me staying behind after the concert to meet her and Andy but while he sulked in the car, I met them. Rachel was the sweetest thing. She remembered my name and we talked for a good twenty minutes.

"Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you're pretty sexy and you're taking your time deciding how you want your life to be and who you want to spend it with."

"Everyone wants to live a fairytale. Everyone wants a perfect life, but what makes up a fairytale? Is it truly the pain and the strife? What would a fairytale be without a damsel in distress? She would never meet prince charming, never dance in her dress. You see you can't have a story with just a beginning and an end. You have to be broken to be able to mend. Without the dark, there'd be no light. Without wrong, there'd be no right. Every story can have a perfect ending. You just have to wait for it."

-Melissa Draper

"You saved me in every way a person could be saved."

-Titanic

"So here I am in my new apartment it's so much colder than I thought it would be. So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on. Wish I'd never grown up. I wish I'd never grown up. I wish I'd never grown up."
-Taylor Swift

"Life isn't as magical here, and you're not the only one who feels like you don't belong or that it's better somewhere else. But there are things worth living, and the best part is your never know what's going to happen next."
-O. R. Melling

"To love somebody is not just a strong feeling--it is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I can judge that it's love and will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision."

"I am a princess. All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics. Even if they dress in rags, even if they aren't pretty, or small, or young. They're still princesses. All of us."
-A Little Princess

"It's time to take a risk, sweetheart."

"The only thing standing in between you and me is reality."

"Isn't it painful? For someone to make you feel special, yet he already has his special someone."

"Love me like the world is ending."

"It's sweet when someone knows every detail about you. Not because you keep on reminding them, but because they pay attention.
"By the way, I'm wearing the smile you gave me."

"False
          Evidence   
         Appearing
    Real."  

"and there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears and love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears."

"Make it count. Meet me at the clock!"
-Jack Dawson

"I miss the days where we would play outside for hours and never get bored. I miss the innocence of being just a kid."

"Tell me, princess, how when did you last let your heart decide?"
-Aladdin

"If God is with you, who can be against you?"
<W/L3 [with love]
C


Friday December 9, 2012
We're traveling back in time five years...
"Two souls are sometimes created together and in love before they're born."
-F. Scott Fitzgerald

"You're allowed to scream, you're allowed to cry, but you do not give up."

Today was such fun. It always is when you combine TyBrie and CiCi! Brie's parents, Gene and Debbie, drove us all up to Idaho Falls for the day as a Christmas/friend/birthday adventure. The first stop was to the falls at this little park so I could take Christmas pictures of TyBrie. My wish for snow last night equaled a light dusting of snow. It was freezing cold outside and, as you can see, I only wore an over-sized sweater and no coat. Real friends take beautiful pictures of their friends even if they almost get frostbite in the process! I take cute photos like this one where TyBrie are holding up candy canes in the shape of a heart and kissing in the background. Presh.
Debbie took the pics of all three of us and the one of Brie and me. I want a Polaroid camera like theirs! Well we decided to get out of the cold so we went to lunch at a local restaurant The Snakebite Restaurant (which is INCREDIBLE-I give it 5 out of 5 stars). Brie did lost of research to try and find the best burger in Idaho Falls and it lead to Snakebite. It really was the best! I loved the atmosphere and the food was unbelievably good. Amazing! If you haven't been there, I highly recommend it.
After lunch, we went to this free display at the Museum of Idaho about an old fashioned Christmas. It wasn't as impressive as I thought it would be but was still fun to look around at all the nativity displays from all over the world and other old Christmas artifacts.
When we were done at the museum, we did some shopping. We went to Target and the mall. I bought this Twilight Breaking Dawn replica engagement ring like Bella's ring from Edward in the movie. You know I'm not a Twihard-vampire-obsessed-Edward Cullen-loving-crazy fan, but I just absolutely love the ring. It's stunning. I remember being completely in love with that ring when I read Eclipse before I even saw the movies. It was such a big deal. The ring meant so much to Edward because it was vintage and belonged to his dead mother. The ring and proposal were my favorite part. So when I saw it, I had to buy it even though it doesn't really fit my tiny fingers.
Can I just say I could spend hours, days, months, and years in Barnes and Noble? I just love books and reading. I couldn't survive without the written word. Reading and writing are as essential to me as oxygen. It's always a struggle trying to choose which books to buy when there are so many choices. Today I came home with Middle Ground (the sequel to Awaken) by Katie Kacvinsky, Everyday by David Levithan, and Between by Jessica Warman. I convinced Brie to get The Fault in our Stars by John Green! That's exciting. That book blows my mind. It's amazing. She will love it like I do.
What a lovely day. A day filled with your friends and books is one of the best kind there is.

TyBrie (n.) True Love.

 Maybe I was young and naive got lost in your eyes never really had a chance.

Kisses are the best. Brie, CiCi, & Mat. I miss those days so much that my heart literally hurts.

Cha-cha-charley circa 2012

The best of friends; sisters by choice.

I don't know about you, but I'm feeling twenty two. 

[actually I was 23]

Magic moments when you're forever Young.

<W/L3 [with love],
C

Friday December 9, 2016
We're traveling back in time one year...
There are so many things that amaze me such as life in general--the fragility, the possibility, the wonder, the beauty, the potential--that to list them all would be an impossible task like counting every single star in the galaxy. I have found love again that defies the past, the imperfections, the loneliness, the unfairness, the mistakes, the heartbreak, the hate, hurt, and negativity of others around me. Trying to destroy me and rob me of all the hope, happiness, love, light, progress, and positivity inside of me, the fears that haunt me, and the excruciating, soul crippling, unbearable physical and emotional pain that was killing me second by waking second.
I am in love with myself--the girl I've become and the girl I'm becoming. I love me. I love life. I love my life, this new blank canvas of a life I am living, building, and creating day by day, moment by moment. Depression blinds you to the beauty of life and the miracle and purpose of it all. It makes you forget how much you love life--even when it's bad, sad, confusing, and downright tragic.
Apathy takes over your heart. Fear hijacks your mind. Despair and misery slowly suck the life right out of you. This is just a basic description of what depression feels like. My point is with the gospel, meditation, treatment centers, positive coping skills, and group counseling, time, and support from fellow patients (now friends), family, and friends, I've conquered my depression, chose and found happiness, and took my life back.
Hope is always there and waiting to be found.
You may be lost, but hope never is.
The key is faith. Fear is the opposite of faith. Sometimes we hide behind our fears because we're afraid of change or failure. The truth is that faith is stronger than the whole world's fear combined. If we have faith, we need not fear. I choose faith. I have faith. I read an incredible, faith building talk on faith from the most recent General Conference by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf.
He said: "Faith is trust--trust that God sees what we cannot and that He knows what we do not. The purpose of faith is not to change God's will but to empower us to act on God's will. In the end everything will make sense. Faith comes to the humble, the diligent, the enduring. It comes to those who pay the price of faithfulness."
Recently, I was struggling with some interpersonal conflict and it cast a dark shadow over just about everything. I was letting it get the best of me. I quickly reminded myself to not let actions of others effect my actions and mood. I exercised love, faith, and forgiveness and resolved the issue. All is well.
I am SO excited! I have a job interview at LDS Hospital on Tuesday! I'd be working grave shifts (6pm to 6am) in the ED! I hope and pray I get the job.

New me; new life.

Haylee, Megan, Annie, & I enjoying a coffee/smoothie date.

Back: Alexa, Allison, me, Haylee, & Emily

Front: Krystal, Megan, & Courtney

"Love, at every opportunity you are given to love. Be less afraid. Embrace each day (none are promised). Cry when you need to, it'll make you feel better. You were put on this planet to feel every feeling you could, do that. Everything works out in the end. I promise."

In Memory of the loveliest of them all: Emily Schaeffer <3

Nadia, Alexa, me, Annie, Haylee, & Natalia
"She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future."
-Proverbs 31:25

THE BEST PEOPLE IN LIFE ARE FREE.

Girls Night @ San Moritz.

Megan, Charley, Natalia, Annie, Haylee, Nadia, Carlie, & [in front] Alexa

aka the baddest badass princesses in existence.

A strong friendship doesn't need daily conversation or being together. As long as the relationship lives in the heart, true friends never part.

#becausewereworthit

Beautiful girls. Beautiful friends. Beautiful life. 

Oh, and Carlos and the creeper clown haha.

Grown Up Girl Bonding Time brought to you by Charley & Addie.

We were created to create.

<W/L3
C
P.S. Happy 29th birthday to the amazing-in-every-way Tyson! On Dec 5th, Brie turned 28, and I am 27 as of October. Where does the time go?!? #foreveryoung

The T-Rex to my Charmander.

Tyson is honestly THE BEST gentleman I know.

I am going to share a memory with you lovelies that is very personal, raw, and sacred which only a few know about...

It involves the only time that I have ever seen Tyson cry... same with Brie.

There were red flags when Ryan and I were dating (for those of you just tuning in, Ryan is my ex husband)... I was all rose colored glasses, thinking I found my prince, and wrapped up in excitement planning an eternal marriage.

Well about a week before I was to go to the temple in May 2013 to receive my endowments, Tyson and Brie invited me to their home.

They had very sullen, serious expressions on their faces that deeply troubled me.

It felt like someone died.

The air was heavy with deafening silence.

When they asked me to take a seat, I knew something was wrong.

Tyson began crying. Real crying. The soul wrenching, agonizing, loving kind of tears. 

Brie started to cry too.

Tyson testified to me that I could not marry Ryan.

He said he'd never felt so strongly about anything in his entire life that he did the prompting that I shouldn't marry Ryan.

Brie felt the same way.

My heart sunk. It shattered. It was like the dreamland I have been living in came crashing down, but the thing was I knew it was a dream all along and I was just praying that it would never end.

I had always had a feeling that Ryan and I shouldn't get married... that we were moving too fast. I mean we only dated for a month before he proposed to me on February 1, 2013. Then we were married on May 11, 2013. 

When I suggested to Ryan that we prolong our engagement, he was infuriated and claimed that if we were made for each other/soulmates/in love then we shouldn't wait. He made me believe that the "adversary" was doing everything in his power to pull us apart including poisoning my family and friends. Ryan insisted that if we waited any longer, we wouldn't work. We had to get married when we planned or we wouldn't get married at all. My hopeless romantic heart full of love for my fiance wanted to believe it so badly that I believed the lie even though I knew the truth. I thought that love could conquer all.

Seeing Tyson cry made me cry. It was powerful. It was overwhelming. It was spiritual.

He suggested that Brie, himself, and me join hands and pray about it.

We prayed that I would know whether or not I should marry Ryan.

And we all felt the undeniable answer that I didn't want to hear: a resounding, irrevocable NO.

Immediately after Tyson said the prayer, my phone rang. 

It was my grandma. She and I hadn't talked in weeks.

I answered and her frantic words were: "Charley, you CANNOT marry Ryan! Do not marry Ryan baby girl."

The answer to all of our prayers.

I was so lost and felt like everything I knew was turned upside down and the dream was becoming a nightmare.

I couldn't deny the message Heavenly Father was sending me though.

So I called my mom who basically paid for the entire wedding.

Engagement pictures had been taken by this time, invitations had been sent, endowments in the temple were in a matter of days, and then a week later I would be sealed to Ryan for time and all eternity in the SLC Temple which was reserved. The honeymoon, photographer, hotels, dinner, reception, dress, and everything had been paid for.

My mom was not happy with this revelation.

I don't want to paint her out to be a bad mom or horrible person... but she told me it was too late to back out of it because of all the money spent that she'd never get back and all the invitations had been sent so there was no way I wasn't going to marry Ryan. 

The rest was history.

Ryan and I were married, sealed for time and all eternity, in the Salt Lake City Temple (my favorite temple), a castle, on Saturday May 11, 2013 in front of all our family and friends and God.

Tyson and Aubrey weren't going to come but did to support me.

Tyson was my witness and one of Ryan's groomsmen. 

Aubrey was my maid of honor.

The moral of the story: ALWAYS TRUST GOD. He has a plan for us that is perfect and full of happiness beyond comprehension. He knows what is best for us. In today's world with everyone having opinions about everything and all the noise and need for approval and love, it's easy to think what we want is right or to base decisions on people who won't have to deal with the consequences of our actions and choices. 

John Green wasn't kidding when he said "Some infinities are bigger than other infinities."

I never imagined eternity meant two years for Ryan and I and our so called eternal marriage.

Spoiler alert: We didn't work out. My marriage was plagued with abuse in every sense of the word, control, unrighteous dominion, selfishness, and adultery. Our divorced was finalized in September of 2015. 

I may have "lost" Ryan but I found myself and somehow that was everything [and more].

The details, the story, are for another time...

Back to Tyson...

He and Brie moved about five hours away last month. I miss them so bad sometimes that it hurts. I am anxiously awaiting our reunion in a few sweet weeks. I am forever grateful for our forever friendship. We stay in touch through e-mails and texts and that is what makes me thankful for technology. We've been friends for nearly eight years and everyone has been enchanting and beautiful. Thank you Tyson for being a HUGE part of giving me the courage to escape an abusive marriage that would've killed me in the end and providing me a safe haven for the few weeks after we split up. Thanks for always being the patience to my stubbornness. Thank you for being THEE best husband to MY best friend and father to my sweet nephew Jude. In the words of MCS (Motion City Soundtrack): "I want to thank you for being a part of my forget-me-nots and marigolds. And all the things that don't get old." I love you. What If It Was You will always be our song.

Happy birthday. I have (and will) always love you. 30 never looked better on anyone. I am glad you were born. I wish I could be with my forever Youngs to celebrate your birthday and Brie's but we shall see each other before we know it. Here's to drinking mate while settling Catan, the best hugs and advice, forgiveness, tears of happiness and sorrow shared, being the witness at my wedding even though you were against it (and right), the countless blessings you've given me, car rides, music, adventures, and light. Here's to a forever friendship, unconditional love, endless happiness, and the knowledge that with friends like us in this ever changing world, we are constant and can overcome any adversity.

Brie && CiCi

Established best friends since 1994 when she was 5 and I was 4.

To a once in a lifetime friendship.

Brie, happy 29th belated birthday. You are stunningly beautiful in every possible way.

You inspire me more than almost anyone. You are my person. The Haley to my Peyton. My first and forever best friend. Thank you for always giving me the best advice and not giving up on me even when I've ceased to believe in myself. Thanks for drying my tears in high school when boys were jerks. Thanks for taking me to the Oregon Coast and driving to Seattle to see Jesse McCartney. For making all of our moments worth remembering. Thank you for unconditional love without limits. Here's to Colored Houses, journaling, adventures, millions of inside jokes, notes, tears of sadness and joy, and always being there for me no matter what. To my older sister by choice. Here's to infinity and beyond. BFFS. I love love love you. I love you my darling friend. You are proof that magic is real and not just make believe in Harry Potter.