Beauty in the Breakdown

The dictionary and society define the word beautiful (adj): pleasing the senses or mind aesthetically. 

possessing qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, here, think about, etc; delighting the senses or mind.

Some synonyms include: attractive, pretty, handsome, good-looking, alluring, prepossessing, 

Society teaches us that being beautiful is the definition of success.

They equate beauty with happiness.

I am here to challenge this fact.

No one is perfect. Not even the supermodels.

And being beautiful isn't everything.

Be MORE than beautiful.

Be-YOU-tiful

Not just in your outward appearance but let your inner beauty shine brighter and make you even more lovely on the outside. Use beautiful as a noun. Act beautiful. Speak beautiful words. Do beautiful things. Be mindful of the beautiful life we live. Find beauty in the breakdown.

"You are proof that life is beautiful."

"Nothing beautiful asks for attention."

"That's always seemed so ridiculous to me, that people want to be around someone because they're pretty. It's like picking your breakfast cereals based on color instead of taste."

-John Green

"You can't spell beautiful without be you."

"The sign of a beautiful person is that they always see beauty in others."

"Is fat really the worst thing a human being can be? Is fat worse than vindictive, jealous, shallow, vain, boring, evil, or cruel? Not to me."

-J.K. Rowling

"I will not compare myself to strangers on the internet."

"Butterflies cannot see their wings. But the rest of the world can."

"You. You are beautiful and while you may not see it, we can."

"Writing is an underestimated art, you are painting colorful images in people's minds by using words of black and white."

"It's beautiful, isn't it? How it all hurts but we never give up."

"If the words you spoke appeared on your skin, would you still be beautiful?"

"...that's the most beautiful thing in the world when two people become fluent in choosing one another."

"Sweet one, why do you think these thoughts? You are everything. Courageous and brave. Intelligent and witty. There is a fire in your soul, burning so bright the stars are jealous. You will find your way, I promise think about it. Think about saving yourself. Your spiritual self. Your gut self. Your singing magical self and your beautiful self. Save it. Don't join the dead-in-spirit. Maintain yourself with humor and grace and finally, if necessary, wager yourself as you struggle. Damn the odds, damn the price. Only you can save yourself. Do it! Do it! Then you'll know exactly what I am talking about."

-Charles Bukowski

"The most beautiful stories always start with wreckage."

"Girl, we need you to be the very best version of who God created you to be. Not her."

-Carly Lynn

"Challenge the lies you've told yourself."

-TWLOHA

 I love this picture of me. I feel like I look beautiful... inside and out. A real princess.

 Haha I found this silly picture on Brie's computer. It was 2015. Jude's 1st birthday party. It was Harry Potter themed and that was me being sorted wearing the sorting hat.

This picture was taken in Yellowstone on a weekend getaway with Brie and Tyson in June 2015. It was soon after my ex husband and I broke up and I got out of the hospital after miraculously recovering from liver failure.

 Can you say DARK hair?! 2011ish? Also found on Brie's computer.

Brie, Jude, and I in 2015 right before my world fell to pieces.

Isn't it crazy and surreal to find pictures of yourself that you had no idea existed? 

They are beautiful... not because of the people in them but because of the stories, the moments. the texture that makes them gorgeous.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.

<W/L3

C

We'll Be A Dream

"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you've never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can't wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they built you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it's like being young again. Colors seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn't exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day's work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there's no need for continuous conversation, but you find you're quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there's a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that's so real it scares you. You find a strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soulmate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting, and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life. Your forever."

Portion Distortion [Perception Deception]: The Ugly Truth & Our Duty to Stand up to "Beauty"

I wrote an essay for a college communications class a few years ago about digital enhancement in advertising, magazines, and the media. 

I think it is now more relevant than ever before... and sadly I believe unless we all stand up to society's unrealistic obsession with perfection and cruel, brutal judgment on the definition of beauty, then the problem will continue and lead to drastic consequences that are already occurring all around us in the form of unhealthy eating disorders, low self-esteem, self harm, bullying, stress, and sometimes suicide.

I commend Ashley Judd taking a stand and sharing her message and frustration with this. 

It's up to us to speak now.
You aren't ugly. Society is.

Here is my essay...

Magazines, the media, and ads shouldn't Photoshop images or should be required by law to state if they have digitally enhanced or retouched an image. They should be required to disclose this information or else it is deceptive and can lead to eating disorders and have negative repercussions on society. Photoshop digital enhancements are not only deceptive but unrealistic. They are a form of false advertising.

The definition of false advertising, according to the Dictionary of Law, is "the crime or tort of publishing, broadcasting, or otherwise publicly distributing and advertisement that contains an untrue, misleading, or deceptive representation or statement which was made knowingly or recklessly and with the intent to promote the sale of property, goods, or services to the public."

Jennifer Aniston said to Vanity Fair, "The media creates this wonderful illusion--but the amount of airbrushing that goes into those beauty magazines, the hours of hair and makeup. It's impossible to live up to because it's not real."

According to photographing editor Ken Harris, models can't even measure up to their own images. He explains every image you see has been worked on, but it's like magic. He covers his tracks to prevent being obvious that an image has been retouched.

Newsweek reports in their article "Picture Perfect" that "Retouching techniques that were once used mainly to erase blemishes or stray hairs have become tools for radical human body distortion, shrinking waists, and vanishing years, turning models and actresses into leggy dolls of literally inhuman proportions. Fashion, women's, and lifestyle publications may not admit it outright, but it's common knowledge within the industry that retouching and thinning models and celebrities is not just standard procedure, it's expected and often demanded." 

A Manhattan based photo editor, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of professional backlash, told Newsweek, "We're always stretching the models legs and slimming their thighs. Sometimes I feel like Frankenstein."

According to a 2004 global survey by the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty, "Several studies show that women feel worse about themselves after reading fashion magazines. An average girl today will see more than 77,000 advertisements by the time she's 12--and you can bet most of those have been retouched. If that girl is like 42 perfect of the population she'll want to be thinner by the time she's a third-grader, and by age 10--if she's like 81 percent of her peers--she'll be afraid of being fat."

Prevention Magazine reports, "A healthy weight for a woman who is 5' 9" is 129-169 pounds. An average 5' 9" model weight is somewhere around 110-115 pounds."

The New York Times states, "Boys as young as 10 are bulking up on steroids." As you can see this problem affects boys too.

U.S. News reported, "Most of us don't see our bodies digitally doctored and spend way too much time staring at ourselves in the mirror, comparing how we look to those "perfect" bodies that grace magazine covers. 1 in 10 partakes in behaviors such as bulimia, over exercising, skipping meals, abusing laxatives--eating disorders."

While lack of control, depression, and abuse do have an impact on eating disorders, the media plays an equally important role in pushing people to partake in these behaviors and should take responsibility. 

Newsweek reported in February 2009, "In response to the uproar over some well-published alterations of celebrities, through the trade groups that represent those publications, in both Britain and the United States, say they are considering voluntary codes outlining how far art directors can go. And late last month the National Assembly of France went a step further when it approved a bill that, if passed by the Senate, would make it a crime for anyone, from pro-anorexia websites to advertisers to editors, to publicly incite 'excessive thinness' or 'extreme dieting.'"

According to Rader, an eating disorder treatment clinic, "Following viewing images of female fashion models, seven out of ten women felt more depressed and angrier than prior to viewing the images. 80% of women who answered a People magazine survey responded that images of women on television and in the movies make them feel insecure."

Victoria Beckham, Mary Kate Olsen, and Karen Carpenter are a few among the many celebrities who attribute the media and advertisements to their eating disorders.

Advertisements that have been digitally retouched do more harm than good. Women and men alike would like to see more "average" and real people on their magazine ads, covers, and media.

The 2004 Dove Survey, mentioned earlier, found that "68 percent of women strongly agree that, 'the media and advertising set an unrealistic standard of beauty that most women can't ever achieve.' 76 percent wish female beauty was portrayed in the media as being made up of more than just physical attractiveness.

"75 percent went on to say that they wish the media did a better job of portraying women of diverse physical attractiveness, including all ages, shapes, and sizes."

Advertising executive Christy Turlington explained to Elle magazine, "Advertising is so manipulative. There's not one picture in magazines today that's not airbrushed. It's funny. When women see pictures of models in fashion magazines and say, 'I can never look like that,' what they don't realize is that no one can look that good without the help of a computer."
Photoshop (or other photo editing software) either needs to be banned or the ads and pictures that use such imaging retouching tools need to disclose that they have been used to ensure consumers (men and women everywhere) are not viewing false advertisement and will no longer suffer from this perception deception.

EXAMPLES of Photoshop (Before & After)

The definition of beautiful is YOU.
There are 7+ billion people in this world but only one YOU.
Be the best you that you can be.
Beauty isn't just on the outside, it's inside of you, it's your heart.
As you can see, what the world calls beautiful is completely distorted... in fact, it's not attainable because it's not real!
You can exercise and be healthy, that's beautiful. Eating disorders aren't beautiful nor healthy. They are destructive and can lead you down a path where you have to keep getting skinnier until finally you disappear (die). 
The people that matter will love you no matter what. 
They will think you are beautiful no matter what.
You are beautiful no matter what anyone says.
How do you feel beautiful in a world like the one we live in?
How to be happy with yourself?
STOP COMPARING YOURSELF WITH OTHERS.
You are one of a kind... embrace your individuality. 
Someone somewhere thinks you are the most beautiful person in the world.
Everything has beauty, just not everyone sees it. 
Be[you]tiful

Keep Your Head Up

This picture is for Paige! I have issues with my smile. I am not a fan. She loves it though and said I should smile more. It's a unique smile and it's mine. Smiling lights your eyes up. I am going to try and smile more. You should too :)

Confession time: I have self confidence issues. 

I think we all do at times. 

Let's change that lovelies!

I was struggling with this the past few weeks so I talked to the lovely Paige about it and asked her advice. She is gorgeous. It's not just her outward appearance (which is beautiful too) but how she carries herself, how she is sure of herself, her inner shine. You can just tell she is happy with who she is and doesn't care what others think. That is what matters. I asked her how she did it. Here is the best advice on finding confidence and loving who you are (that I've EVER heard) from Paige:

"I didn't used to always be (confident). At one point, I realized I hated being a follower, and I realized I was meant to be a leader. I realized I was making myself miserable comparing myself to others 24/7, and that the people I was comparing myself to were the ones that were, ironically enough, the least confident people I'd ever encountered. They were the people who so exuberantly acted 'high and mighty', took 'confidence' from bringing others down, and focused so much on outside appearances instead of what's inside a human being as well. I realized that confidence comes from deep within, NOT from the outside. And if these people had to try so hard to act confident, they weren't. If they had to put others down in order to gain what infinitival piece of what they liked to call 'confidence' they had--that in fact-- they were immensely lacking in the self confidence category. I realized that there were probably so many people who also admired me, or compared themselves to me, that I was completely unaware of as well. I realized when I quit trying to make every person happy--and started realizing how much happiness I got from that--that I already was confident. I was happy with who I was.

I realized where confidence really stems from. You're not confident if you need others to tell you that you are, or if you care if others even think you are. You're confidence when every person in the world could be making fun of you, when every person in the world could be telling you that you aren't confident, yet you can smile back at them and say 'I'm sorry you feel that way,' and move on knowing you are and thriving off the comfort that you, yourself, knows that you are. That's confidence. When you don't feel like you need to be putting on a show for the world 24/7. Because the world should be putting on a show for you :) I just release what people think. They can 'think' all they want but the truth is the truth, and what people 'think' doesn't change that. EVER. 

I'm happy with who I am, the way I look, and I'm proud of my weaknesses because it gives me something to improve on day by day. I don't want to 'look' like anybody else no matter how pretty they are, because I enjoy the fact that I can be ME and not a copy. I want to be an original, and my fears, enjoyments, personality, looks, and strengths make me that. So why compare myself to others when I don't want to be them, because if I was--I wouldn't be ME."

The following are some quotes Paige wrote down for me that she loves on confidence...

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."

-Eleanor Roosevelt

"It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes."
-Sally Field

"A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her."

-David Brinkley

"It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not."
-Anonymous

"It aint what they call you, it's what you answer to."

"If you hear a voice within you saying, 'You cannot paint,' then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced."
-Vincent Van Gogh

"I am not a 'has-been'--I am a 'will be'."

-Lauren Bacall

"Just believe in the wonderful person you are Charley. Let all judgments, worries, and things out of your control go. For they are not in your control. You will ruin yourself and future constantly trying to make others happy. That's why there are so many people in this world. Not one person can make all happy. Life wasn't meant for it to be that simple. The right one and your one true love? You'll find you won't need to 'try' to make them happy. You just will."

-Paige :)

I asked my other dear friends--Tyson & Brie--about confidence.

Brie said she struggled with it majorly... she says what works for her is whenever she had a negative thought, doubted herself, or thought she wasn't good enough, she didn't tell Tyson because guys love girls that are confident (not cocky there's a major difference). She would push it away and think of something she liked about herself instead. Soon enough, it was a habit and she focused on the good, not her perceived shortcomings. 

Ty said even he had low self esteem at one time. He hated himself some days. Then he woke up one day and realized that there are people out there starving, without homes, clothes, etc and there were people dying, people who wouldn't be waking up that morning. He then decided that everyday we wake up and are alive is for a reason. We are meant for something big. We all have a purpose (big or small) and instead of wasting the precious time we are blessed to have constantly telling yourself you aren't good enough or being miserable by comparing yourself to others, you should be happy and find out what your purpose is that day. 

This is what I have to say...

Being confident in yourself, having a purpose, goals, and plans is what makes you beautiful.

THERE IS NO ONE ELSE LIKE YOU. 

7 billion+ people on the earth but only 1 YOU. 

God doesn't make mistakes. You are the way you are for a reason, and you're amazing.

You are unique. You are unlike any other. You are you.

There is only one cause of unhappiness... the false beliefs you have in your head. Beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them. You are your own worst critic. STOP it. 

You have to quit comparing yourself to others even though everywhere you go there are magazines, TV actresses/actors, models, etc in your face and you feel pressure to be perfect, to look like them. 

You can't life your life worrying that the world is staring at you. When you let people's opinions make you self conscious you give away your power... the key to feeling confident is to always listen to your inner self, the real you.

There has never been another you. You are a once-in-all-history event. You may not be able to see your undeveloped potential, but it's there--and it's enormous!

Don't wait for the perfect moment... take the moment and make it perfect. Don't wait for the day you are "prettier" or "skinnier" or anything else. No one is perfect! You are perfectly you though.

I heard this saying recently and am loving it--You're never fully dressed without a smile.

“Society is wrong. Dead wrong. We’re taught to believe that exotic is beautiful. We’re taught to believe that miniature waists, and perfect tans are beautiful. We’re convinced that blonde girls with the gorgeous smiles will win every time. But the truth is: originality is beautiful. Big brown eyes, green eyes, blue eyes. Curves. Your natural skin tone is beautiful. Your hair color, your smile. Your voice, your laugh, your personality. Every inch of you is beautiful, every single part of you shines with your essence. You, my dear? You’re lovely.”

You are the most beautiful thing in the world.